Monday, January 5, 2009

I wish this day were over

This day needs to be scrapped or burned or flushed down the toilet - I definitely 100% believe in moment-to-moment choices and not letting one bad moment spoil the rest, but I really want a fresh start....
My workshops were fine, but then at the end my supervisor made a weird comment to me and I've been fixating on it and feeling upset. We were talking about our ESL assessments and she was speaking to me and another teacher and made a comment that I needed to not do everything - that we had to communicate and share the load - and I jokingly said "Yeah, Brittany - haha!" (Brittany is the teacher, who's a friend of mine and who would never not share the load...which is why it was jokingly). And my supervisor said no, that if I took everything on it would be my fault...only it didn't seem so jokingly....Anyway - it was just a funny tone and I didn't know how to take it. And I'm very sensitive and take forever to cool off and probably misinterpret/blow things out of proportion all the time. Which is why I didn't pursue asking her what she meant...
So - the eating confession...
I inhaled a bunch of junkfood in a stress induced stupor between lunch and now. That, in the interest of meeting one of my 2009 goals of full disclosure, included probably 2 servings of potato chips, 2 bags of peanut M&Ms, a Reece's Whips bar, 3 ginger chews, a few bites of strawberry sorbet, 4 or 5 cookies (Pepperidge Farm Brussels or something...), and probably 6 squares of chocoloate. OMG!!! I also had a healthy leftover stirfry lunch, but...whatever...I guess I don't get any pats on the back for that.
Well - there it is - out in the open. And since I don't want to report that again I'm going to try not to do that again. And in an hour or so if I have an anxiety episode I'm going to kick myself but not feel an ounce of surprise.
Ryan will be home in an hour to tell me about his first day. I'm going to zone out and read some blogs and news articles (I think I'll check out BBC, Mother Jones and Amnesty International) until then, then eat with him, exercise, shower, read and sleep early. I always feel like my fresh starts need to begin in the afternoon or evening prior to going to bed to set up the next day well. Here goes...

2 comments:

Laura Brandon said...

thanks for commenting and letting me know i'm not alone :)

i just wish there were more people out there who could "get it" even if they didn't have to go through it. and sometimes i even feel like i'm worse than those who do get it, you know? like, oh big deal you ate this much but i ate this much. i hate it! glad to know there are others like me out there though.

AmeliaPontes said...

I think your honesty about going off track is really admirable. I think the first instinct is to push it out of our brains and forget that it ever happened. It did happen, but owning up to it and working on ways to not make it happen again is what will bring success in the long run.

Good Luck!