Saturday, January 31, 2009

Weigh-Day - Detox Week

Check out the scale giveaway on Roni’s Weight Loss Blog! I can win an Affordable Food Scale from Eat Smart and so can you! Click here for contest details!
I want one of those super expensive, super awesome Green Star juicers (makes everything...including banana ice cream that tastes just like Chunky Monkey, but is only made from bananas, no sugar or cream). Around the holidays they were giving a food scale away with them, but I didn't buy one - the juicer's a reward for losing 40 or 50 lbs somewhere down the road...but I sure could use a scale now! :)

As expected, the scale was up a tiny bit (0.2 lbs) this morning from yesterday because my low calorie day from being sick on Thursday gave me a falsely low # on the scale Friday. But it's still all good.
Today I'm at 161.6 which is a total loss for the detox week of 6.2 lbs! Sweet!

Basically, that undoes the damage I did to myself in January plus another 0.6 pounds gone. So - it's a good jump start to my healthy lifestyle recommitment.
I'm 0.6 pounds away from being back to my 15 pound loss, ~3 pounds away from my October low and 10% total loss, and about 6 or 7 pounds from being comfortably (key word) back in my size 14s! (never thought I'd be happy to be BACK in 14s, but hey...we start from wherever we're starting, right?)

I updated all my measurements (to the right), but I'm not sure how accurate they are. It's hard to measure yourself - especially your arms...
But, everything in the midsection seems about right.
I'm down 3.0" at the smallest part of my waist, 2.25" at my belly button (which is actually the top of my hip bone...I'm very short-waisted), and 0.5" at my hips. I will always be biggest at that part and lose most slowly from there's just where I store my weight and why I'm at a bigger size than a lot of you probably would be at the same weight. It's also the place I'm likely to have loose skin when I get to goal...that lower tummy area...blech.

This detox is actually 11 days long and today's supposed to be a juice fast day. But you're not supposed to fast if you're recovering from being sick, which I am, so I'm not fasting. I'm just going to keep eating the way I've been for the 7 day 'prequel' to the fast. I'm thinking of just seeing if this is something I can keep up for a while since it's not an extreme detox...just very clean eating.
I'm going to add yogurt back in, and eventually I'll add some sweeteners (my favorite hot sauce has agave syrup), gluten (haven't decided about bread, but at least so I can use soy sauce here and there and the multi-grain tempeh I have in my freezer) and soy protein isolates (fake meat products - hard to live without them at least sometimes - Saturday is usually veggie sausage day).
I'm going to try to continue to eliminate or strictly limit refined carbs, many sweeteners, caffeine, and unhealthy fats. No more 100 calorie packs, muffins at Starbucks, regular chocolate consumption, etc. I think those things are just good for my sleep and anxiety, not to mention my waistline.

Here's what I learned this week.

1) I eat a lot of convenience/pre-packaged foods - frozen meals, veggie burgers, crackers, granola bars, cereals, cups of yogurt, etc.
2) It takes planning time and effort to eat a diet based on whole foods. Planning is going to be the biggest factor in my success.
3) It's hard to eat too many calories when you're a vegetarian not eating a lot of prepackaged foods and planning ahead.
4) It's easy to eat too many fats (avocado, nuts, almond butter, etc.) when you're looking for filling snacks and avoiding packaged things. Even good fats need to be in the right proportion to your total calories, carbs and protein.
5) It's very easy to eat too much sodium if you're not paying attention, and especially if you're eating a lot of pre-packaged foods. I need/want much less salt if I season after the dish is finished cooking - just while I'm eating.
6) I can eat the recommended # of WW points, but come in way too low on calories. I'm going to enter my food in SparkPeople's nutrition page AND WW Online for awhile, so I can track both. I'll get a more complete nutritional picture of my diet and feel comfortable that I'm getting enough calories in the right proportions of food-types.

Yesterday quick totals (actual/goal) are...

Calories: 1,373/1,200-1,550
Fat: 41g/32-56g
Carbs: 212g/163-236g
Protein: 53g/60-127g
Fiber: 43g/25-35g
Sodium: 1,116mg/0-2,300mg

WW Points: 23.5

I ate...

Breakfast: 1 banana
Lunch: 1/2 portion of leftover light split pea soup w/coconut milk; 1 c. red cabbage; 6 baby carrots
Dinner: 3 Tacos w/soft corn tortillas (not 100% sure these were legal on the detox), mixed beans, mixed veggies, red cabbage, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, hot sauce; and 1 beet with rosemary, olive oil and garlic.
Snacks: 9 cashews; 13 Mary's Gone Crackers - herb; 1 large orange; vanilla whey and berries protein shake w/flaxseed oil, bluegreen algae, probiotics, and cran water.

Whew! I think that's all for today.
Have a good one!
I'll be right here glued to my desk studying ALL DAY...that's what being sick and out of commission for 3 days does to my weekend! Yay! :-P

Friday, January 30, 2009

Detox - Day 6

Just a quick update.
I was feeling so sick yesterday. I went to work, but struggled through. I tried to make myself eat, and eat healthy things, but it was a struggle and I got less than 1,000 calories. Also, I wasn't able to work out for the 2nd day in a row.
So - take this with a grain of salt, but I was down another 0.8 lbs today to 161.2, which brings my total loss since the 'official' weigh-day last Saturday to 6.4 lbs.

For breakfast, I had an orange.
For lunch, I had leftover split pea soup with coconut milk.
For snack I had 3 stalks of celery with 1 tbsp. peanut butter.
For dinner I had sweet potato fries (made with 1/2 sweet potato and 1/2 tbsp. olive oil), 1.5 c. broccoli, 1/3 c. homemade hummus (chickpeas, tahini, lemon juice, garlic), and 15 sesame rice crackers

Total Calories: 962
Total Fat: 47g
Total Carbs: 123
Total Protein: 29g
Total Fiber: 28g
Total Sodium: 1,278 mg

Total WW Points: 21.5

I'm slightly concerned that I could eat this few calories and still be 0.5 above my daily allowance - I know I'm not including WPs or APs, but still...what if I decided, as some do, that I wanted to save those WPs and APs for a special weekend day...that means I could eat fewer than 1,000 calories all week long and have that be 'legal'? A little odd. I guess it's not a perfect science - just guidelines. But for now I'm going to keep checking calories, etc. in addition to points

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Detox - Day 5

Down 1.4 lbs this morning to 162.2 - so I lost the 0.4 the scale showed yesterday plus another pound. And that means I'm 0.6 past my original goal for Saturday! Yay! That's a total of 5.6 gone.

I've been feeling really sick, though. At first I thought it could be the detox, but it's probably more likely that I've caught something from one of the kids at school. We were out for a snow day yesterday, but Monday and Tuesday a bunch of the 4th grade was gone because of a stomach virus. 4th grade is on the 2nd floor and my room is in the basement, and the rooms of most of my kids are on the 1st floor - so I don't have that much contact with 4th grade except for 1 class. One boy, actually - I used to have 3 fourth graders, but 1 is out with pink eye and one just moved, so he's all I've seen this week.
The 1st and 2nd graders, which are most of my students, have had sore throats and sniffly noses.
Also, Ryan says strep is going around his office. He hardly ever catches anything. I, on the other hand, catch everything. That's a big part of the reason I'm doing this detox and trying to start making the healthiest choices I can.

Yesterday and this morning, I've had a fever around 101.5 (As best I can tell...the thermometer needs a new battery), a sore throat, a headache and stomach cramping but nothing beyond that. Plus, I had the most difficult time concentrating yesterday. I only got through about 50 of 150 pages I needed to read. Oh well. I did my best. I'm just useless when I'm sick.

I didn't post any pics yesterday. I took one - of my lunch, and I'll post that now. Here's what I had the whole day.

2 rice cakes
2 tbsp. almond butter
1 apple

354 cal.
7.5 pts.

leftover tofu & veggie roast with 4 leaves of kale (~1.5 cups)

619 cal.
10.5 pts.

leftover light split pea soup with ~0.4 cups of coconut milk

284 cal.
9.5 pts.

1 large orange
10 sesame rice crackers

167 cal.
3 pts.

Totals: actual/goal

Calories: 1,424/1,200-1,550
Fat: 67g/32-56g
Carbs: 187g/163-236g
Protein: 44g/60-127g
Fiber: 31g/25-35g
Sodium: 1,498mg/0-2,300mg

WW Points: 30.5 (used 9.5 WPs)

Overall - not a bad day. Too much fat, not enough protein, but it's okay.

I did notice that when I entered my lunch into WW online just by calories, fat and fiber, it told me it was 14 points - but when I thought that sounded high and went back to enter each ingredient separately, it changed to 10.5 points...hmmmm....just something to think about.

No exercise - I had 45 min. on the elliptical and 20 min in the sauna scheduled, but wasn't feeling up to it.

That's all!
School is delayed 2 hours because of ice on the roads. I'll probably go in, but I haven't decided for sure. I just feel very weird and feverish and crampy and weak. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to drive the hour and 40 minutes to Knoxville and back for class this afternoon, but we'll see. Hope everyone's feeling well :)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Detox - Day 4

Up 0.4 lbs today to 163.6. It's fine. I think that falls within the realm of normal fluctuations. I got rid of my initial water-weight and maybe now it's time for more normal patterns, although I'd still love to get to 162-ish by Saturday.

Yesterday was the first day I did not have a salad, but I had a good amount of veggies. Actually - nutritionally, yesterday was probably the best day I've had. (proportion of carbs to fats to protein, grams of all those, fiber, etc.) I also did not have an orange or much greens, which are required on the detox (citrus, not an orange specifically). So, at the end of the night I took a supplement which is supposed to take the place of the greens and drank a big mug of warm lemon water for the citrus.
Also - I had tofu for the first time this detox. It's not the most highly recommended on the detox, so I'll have leftovers for lunch and then no more until next week.

Here's the breakdown

Smoothie with 1 scoop whey protein, 6 strawberries, 1/2 c. raspberries, 1 tsp. flaxseed oil, 2 tbsp. E3Live (algae), 1 tsp. FloraKey (probiotics), and 1 c. cran-water (1 part unsweetened cranberry juice to 7 parts water)

223 cal.
3 pts.

1 c. light split pea soup w/celery, carrots, kale, shiitakes, garlic, & parsely
6 baby carrots
~1 c. red cabbage

158 cal.
2.5 pts.

13 Mary's Gone Crackers - original
6 almonds
10 cashews
1 pear

355 cal.
8 pts.

Tofu roast with carrots, cashews, red and gold potatoes, cauliflower, shiitakes, olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper, & sage (1/4 of what's in the TwitPic)

534 cal.
12 pts. !!! (mostly from the potatoes and oil)

Totals - actual/goal

Calories: 1,264/1,200-1,550
Fat: 45g/32-56g
Carbs: 178g/163-236g
Protein: 57g/60-127g
Fiber: 35g/25-35g
Sodium: 1,586mg/0-2,300mg

Points: 24.5

Activity: Cher fitness video :) (it's good!) - entire video
38 min. step
10 min. abs
32 min. lower body

(~3 APs)

We're off school for a snow day today!!!
I have so much work to do for class, so I'm definitely going to take advantage of this day and get a lot done.
Hope everyone has a great day!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Detox - Day 3

I love my scale :)
Down another 0.8 today to 163.2
That's 4.6 total gone from my official Saturday morning weigh-in to now (Tues. morning).

I know only some of that is fat and some is water and some is whatever crap I've just been storing inside me that the detox is helping me get rid of, but whatever it is, I'm glad it's gone.
My goal was to get to 162.8 by my fast day, this coming Saturday, and I'm only 0.4 away!
I'm now just 5.2lbs from my low point (my 10% loss) on this journey in October when I totally fell off the wagon.
I also remeasured my waist at it's narrowest (-2.25 in.), my waist at my belly button (-0.25 in.) and my hips (-1.0 in.)

Plus, I slept all the way through the night last night for the first time in forever. Didn't meet my 8 hrs goal, but I got more than 7.
As for detox side effects - yesterday afternoon my stomach hurt for a few hours. Then on the way home from class I had a headache. But nothing too terrible. Definitely better than the weekend ailments.

I ate everything in my twitpic except the pear, which got smooshed in my lunchbag, and the crackers.

Here's the nutritional and points breakdown....actual/goal

Calories: 1,212/1,200-1,550
Fat: 53g/32-56
Carbs: 143g/163-236
Protein: 56g/60-127
Fiber: 39g/25-35
Sodium: 874mg/0-2,300 (that seems low...I'll have to check to make sure it's right)

WW Points: 23

Activity: nothing - I really, really just can't do it Monday :)

I have no idea what I'm going to pack today...I need to go to the store...hmmmm
Well, I better go figure it out.
See ya later :)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Detox - Day 2

The scale was down another 1.6 pounds this morning! That's -3.8 total! I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought I'd lose a couple the 1st day because of water-weight, but I guessed maybe a half a pound a day after that at the most. So - happy dance!
I'll be happy if I stay the same for the next 2 weigh-ins, because that would just put me where I'd expected to be. Nice to take a little pressure off - especially since the only exercise I schedule for Mondays is a 10 min. abs workout.

I feel fine right now, but last night Ryan and I were both pretty miserable. He started to feel sick first with a super intense headache...actually, he'd been feeling sick all weekend - even before we started the detox, so he might be fighting something off in addition to 'toxins'.
I was fine except for a light headache and kind of a stitch in my side until 9:30-ish and then I felt my headache get a lot worse, and I felt dizzy and nauseous and sort of like I was feeling waves of heat through my body. Almost like I was getting a fever....just these heat rushes - very weird. I guess that's a part of the process. The problem is my anxiety spiked also, which is the worst for me. I'm not willing to risk backtracking at all in that area. I just had to go to bed and consequently am NOT ready for class this afternoon. (crap!)
Neither of us slept very well and he wound up taking a couple Advil. We figured he needed his sleep and eating clean with Advil is better than NOT eating clean with Advil (we're not supposed to have over the counter meds). Plus, he has a meeting at a Mexican restaurant tonight and isn't really starting the 7-days before the fast until tomorrow. This is like his pre-prequel.

Sunday's nutritional wrap up looks better all around than Saturday's....(actual/goal)
1,347 calories/1200-1550
50g fat/32-56
180g carbs/163-236
61g protein/60-127
43g fiber/25-35
1,766mg sodium (started tracking that too)/0-2,300
25.5 WW Points

Fiber's still too high, but I'm not sure what to do about that....

Exercise was 65 min. walk/jog outside at the hilly park in our town. (3 APs)
I just got over the 1,000 minute mark on my exercise tracker! (below) :)

Okay - I'm off to get ready for the loooooong day. I'll be lucky if I'm home by 9:30. (blech to Mondays)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Detox - Day 1

Yay! I knew some of that weight at yesterday’s weigh-in was just water. I don’t know if I’ll weigh everyday on the detox, but I weighed this morning and was already down 2.2 lbs. to 165.6. So relieved!

I think yesterday went really well. This detox is just really clean eating, so there’s no reason it shouldn’t go well, I guess. I have a few minor concerns though…

A lot of people have trouble on this type of detox because it might be too much of a fiber increase for their bodies all at once. Being veggie, I already eat a pretty good amount of fiber, but last night I was up for an hour or so with a terrible stomachache that could’ve been because of that. I also tend to have stomach trouble when I eat avocado or beets. And, like a big dummy, I ate them both in one day. So, I’m going to get some magnesium at Walgreen’s today because that’s what the people on the support site for the detox book recommend. They also say drinking hot lemon water helps, but I'd had already had my 84 oz. - I'm only used to 64, so I just didn't feel like drinking any more yesterday.

My other concerns are that I won’t get enough protein or calories. I don’t want to slow down too much on my exercise routine (last week I exercised 5 hrs. and 20 min. – the previous 4 weeks before that combined I exercised 5 hrs. and 38 min. – so I want to keep the momentum going!). Also, I can’t afford energy dips with my busy schedule, and I don’t want to overeat when I finish the detox, so I want to eat clean but still within my ‘recommended’ calorie range. I’m already eating foods that people who do this detox with the primary purpose of losing weight wouldn’t eat. They’re listed in the book as okay to eat if you ‘don’t need to lose weight or are prone to depression.’ Things like sweet potatoes, beans, legumes, nuts – avocado would probably be on that list.

So, I decided that I would follow the detox guidelines but also track my WW points AND use my nutrition page at SparkPeople to keep track of calories, fat, protein, carbs and fiber. Yesterday I entered the info in SparkPeople and then just entered the calories, fat and fiber into the WW online points calculator to figure out points. I really liked that method! Sometimes I’m curious/slightly concerned that I could eat all my points but not get the right calories or nutrition for my body, so I’m comforted by doing both.

My food is at the left (twitpics) I took a pic of everything except my whey protein shake I had last night. At the end of the day yesterday I wound up at 23 points (my WP allowance is 21, but I earned 5 APs, so that’s all good).

My goal is 1200-1550 calories – I ate 1,169 – low, but not terrible.
My goal is 163-236g carbs – I ate 158 – low, but again, fine.
My goal is 60-127g protein – I ate 50 – I’m fine with this – protein is hard for me.
My goal is 32-56g fat – I ate 47 – right in the middle
My goal is 25-35g fiber – I ate 41 – again, too high, but not terrible.

Today I need to start eating and drinking my water earlier so I can pace myself and eat some nuts if my calories are too low. I’m going to add tofu (which we’re only allowed sparingly) or tempeh, which is fine since it’s fermented, to pick up the protein a little too.
Wish me luck! :)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Weigh-Day Restart

Up 2.8 lbs. to 167.8 today. And really, really feeling it. Pants are tight, I notice the weight on my body, I feel heavy.
This is a bigger number than when I declared my restart on December 7th.

So - I decided that because of that and because this is the first day of my 11-day detox, I'm going to declare a NEW restart day today.

I never really did much of a diet restart anyway. I didn't feel ready or into it for some reason, but now I do.

I'm going into this new restart and detox caught up (pretty much) on both work-work and school-work, with some new good habits (reading before bed, sleeping enough, taking a multi everyday, exercising more consistently, staying on top of chores and personal grooming type things)

So - I updated my measurements and things in my stats to show today as day zero. They were pretty much the same as when I'd taken them in November - about a quarter inch gain all around.

I don't know why I'm not more upset about the big gain this week. Probably because it's my 1st day of TOM, and I ate salty food much later last night than I usually eat anything - so I know it's probably some water retention. And also because this is a new day and I can't control last week. I knew my eating was bad. My exercise was better than it's been in months, though, so I'm also trying to count little victories.

Plus - it's like taking a bad picture when you're about to start a new diet or exercise regimen and thinking "Oh well, at least that'll make a good before picture" :)
At least 167.8 is a good before weight, right? :)
Here's hoping for a good restart/detox day!
I'll try to stay on top of TwitPics (I got out of the habit when their site crashed last week) and update detox progress daily.
Happy Saturday!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Reassessing and Detox - maybe

Whoops - I've been MIA on the blogging I guess.
I just found out that I don't have school today - I guess we're not going to get above freezing to melt the ice in time for the buses to run...??? I'm not sure. We've been out all week (MLK Day and the rest for weather), but today I just don't get it unless a water pipe broke over a bridge or something....
I've lived in Tennessee for almost 4 years now and I still can't get used to what qualifies for a snow day. Growing up in Chicago, we got so much snow that they couldn't call school for it - plus, the city is flat with no winding, hilly, dangerous roads - and, of course, the city is prepared with fleets of salt trucks and plows. It's just different here. I'm having guilt about it though! :) I hope parents have solid alternative plans - maybe at the Y or at their church....I hope my kids don't get left home alone.

I always get thrown off on my eating plans when my schedule changes and this week has been no exception. Yesterday was better than Monday and Tuesday when I finished a pint of ice cream and a bunch of cookies. Today, I already packed all my food to go to school, so I might just eat that. Or...I might keep it for tomorrow when there's no way we'll be out. We'll see....

I've been trying to focus on other things besides food. I know that, for me, managing my stress and anxiety levels is crucial for being healthy, and that if I feel out of control in my life, I don't have a prayer in my diet.
My plan has now become to take on 1 or 2 healthy habits a week instead of trying to do everything at once. Thinking about it that way has helped me see how far I've come in changing my life - even though I haven't been successful with weight loss yet. I used to have trouble with even the smallest routines, like remembering to take my prescriptions on time every day, keeping the house from becoming a disaster zone, flossing...etc....
I feel like I have a really good handle on those things now. As of this morning, my house is clean and organized (redid my closet yesterday), I've had enough sleep, I'm all caught up on schoolwork, and I've had a pretty good week with my exercise. I also finished ALL of my paperwork-type things for work (until you've worked for 3 years in the district, teachers have to do a 'comprehensive evaluation' every year). Yesterday I did my nails (not painted, just neat and groomed toes and fingers) and shaved...I was going to pluck my eyebrows but my tweezers are missing. New good habits for the past few weeks also include reading before bed which I think helps me sleep more restfully and taking my multivitamin.

I feel well set-up for success now. I also feel the physical effects of the crap I've been feeding my body and am thinking of doing a detox as a jumpstart to adding healthy foods to my healthy habits. About a year ago I did the Fast-Track Fat Flush Detox - from one of Ann Louise Gittleman's books. It's an 11 day program with 7 days of getting your body ready to fast, 1 fasting day and 3 days of 'recovery'. I lost 6 pounds in the 11 days last year - Ryan lost 9. I felt great - he was hungry and crabby, so if he does it this year, he's going to add more food.
It's basically a pretty sensible combination of including certain types of foods to support your liver and intestines in cleaning up and avoiding crap.

You HAVE to eat cruciferous veggies; leafy greens; citrus; 'sulfur-rich foods' (I choose garlic and daikon radishes); 'liver healers' (I choose artichokes, celery, whey protein, nutritional yeast, beets and dandelion tea...which tastes like dirt, by the way); fiber from carrots, apples, pears, berries, and/or flaxseeds; protein (for me, the vegetarian, this is pretty limited - I can have whey protein, and blue green algae in smoothies, I can have beans, but it will slow weight-loss, and I can have tofu but not more than 2-3 times); lots of room-temp water (half your body weight in ounces), and 1-2 tbsp. of healthy oils (flaxseed or olive)

You CAN'T eat non-healthy fats or too much fat; any sugar including honey and maple syrup; artificial sweetners; refined carbs; gluten; soy-protein isolates like in fake meat products and protein bars; alcohol; caffeine; over the counter drugs; cheese and milk

That's the first 7 days - I have to go back and read the book again, but I think the last 3 days are the same, but you get to add in yogurt. There's some supplements I need to review as well.

I'm not clear about this - but I think if it's not on the 'avoid' list, you can have it. Oh! And you're supposed to drink unsweetened cranberry juice mixed with water on the fast day and the rest of the days too.

So, I think we're going to start that Saturday.
Right now I'm going to take advantage of my snow day and get myself off to the gym, come home and do some classwork and then go to class this afternoon.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


I never actually made it to the gym yesterday, but I made up for it today. I got a cheap set of weights to use at home and did most of the strength training I had planned to do yesterday at home today. I did biceps, triceps, chest, back, and shoulders. I didn't do abs and I only did squats for legs - that might be the one thing I need the strength training equipment at the gym for.

I also did my scheduled Sunday workout which is walking and a little bit of jogging at the park. Usually we quit after one lap (1.9 miles), but today I continued with my planned two and Ryan played a round of frisbee golf while I finished - that way we're both happy - I get to finish my workout and he gets to do what he likes :)
It was ~3.8 miles, ~8000 steps, and an hour and 5 minutes. I jog for 30 second intervals and walk basically until I feel like jogging again. The park is pretty hilly, so I feel like even though I probably only jogged for a total of 5 minutes, that I'm getting a good workout. I'm certainly pink and sweaty enough!

I'm really happy that even though I didn't do my weights yesterday, that I made up for that today and stuck to my weekend routine close enough to planned. I'm trying to set up non-negotiable exercise time in my schedule, and routines are the best way for me to do that.
Right now the plan is weights Saturday, walk/jog in the park with Ryan Sunday, just abs Monday, aerobics at home (walking, step aerobics video or jump rope) on Tuesday, aerobics with Ryan at the gym Wednesday, pilates video Thursday, and aerobics either at home or gym Friday.

Here's my workout mix - very random - it's funny how some songs I probably wouldn't sit down and listen to normally are great for workout mixes. The last 4 songs aren't mixed in very well - I just added them recently - the few before that are meant to be my cooldown, but I just skip around anyway.

Workout Mix
Southern Girl – Erykah Badu
Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen
Brown Girl (Suga Plum) – Jurassic 5 w/Brick & Lace
Heartbreaker – Mariah Carey
It Feels So Good – Sonique
This Love – Maroon 5
Push It – Salt-N-Pepa
Adrenaline – The Roots
Run Away - ? Random 90s ‘club mix’
Beat It – Michael Jackson
Toxic – Brittney Spears
Milkshake – Kelis
Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani
Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry
Fuel – Metallica
Black Horse and the Cherry Tree – KT Tunstall
One Loaf of Bread (Something for You) – Damian Marley
Thelonius – Common & Slum Village
Vivrant Thing – Q-Tip
Electric Relaxation – A Tribe Called Quest
Hard Knock Life – Jay-Z
Beautiful World – Tony Dee
We’re Gonna Make It - Damian Marley
Hot N Cold – Katy Perry
Rehab – Amy Winehouse
Umbrella – Rihanna
Disturbia - Rihanna

Saturday, January 17, 2009


At least I didn't gain :)
Weight today is 165.0 which is down 0.2 from last week.
That's not too bad, really. Since last weigh-in, I only had 1 totally on plan eating day, 3 pretty terrible eating days , and 3 days (2 hrs 50 min.) of exercise. This week was heavy on stress with my 1st observation at work, 2 days of driving to Knoxville for class and the uncertainty about going to grad school (then the added gift of stress I gave to myself by not reading my articles for class until the day before). But I felt like the work week ended well with my spurt of energy and happiness yesterday. I'll try to build on it.

Although last night I was back to the restless sleep and nightmares. I have no idea why - I had a good day, I did eat sugar but it was at noon - hours and hours before I went to bed. I had a glass of wine, but I don't think that could've done it....I had tons of physical activity with the gym and then cleaning the house for hours. I unwinded before sleeping by reading my book (not a scary book) for 20 minutes. It's a mystery!

I've always had vivid nightmares. When I was little they were usually either about enormously oversized gorillas (which I was in no way afraid of in the waking hours) or super-fast freight trains. In both sets of dreams, most of the time, I could hear either the gorilla stomping or the freight train approaching in the pitch black dark before I could see them and then they'd emerge and close in on me. In one very creepy variation of the freight train dream I got on the train and it was decorated Victorian style with a music box playing and girls in frilly dresses playing games on the floor...but not in a cute a very 'twins from The Shining' style. And in a few variations of the gorilla dream I was sad for the gorilla - once I went to visit him either in prison or behind bars because he'd been captured by the circus (can't remember), and in one he'd been killed and there was a funeral procession through town....the street was covered with banana peels and other parts of fruit he'd left behind and everyone was crying.
I also remember a recurring dream in which I was playing board games in the hall with my mother when all of a sudden she'd start counting backwards from 10 (in a very monotone, sort of robotic, unfriendly voice). I'd have to get the game cleaned up and be back in my bed before she got to zero or unmentioned 'bad things' would happen. What was wrong with me?! They sound like anxiety and guilt dreams to me - maybe I've always had anxiety....hmmmm....
For a long time most of my nightmares were pretty genericly about me being chased by a group of guys with either guns or knives and then being shot or stabbed.
Now they're often about someone breaking into my house and hiding inside to attack me.
Well...I don't know...I just wish they faded from my memory more quickly when I woke up.....

Anyway...I changed my exercise tracker (bottom of the page) to a more reasonable 6000 minutes of exercise by my b-day July 18th instead of the 9000 I had before.
I'm going to finish my tea and head off to the gym for my Saturday strength training work out. This will be the first time in a long time I've actually stuck to that schedule 2 weeks in a row. Maybe I'll head to the sauna with my book again :)

Friday, January 16, 2009

Not a dropout

Wow - I don't know why, but I'm having a really great day! Not perfect diet-wise, but I've been happy and energetic and feeling healthy and strong from the moment I woke up this morning. It's freezing here - it was 5 degrees this morning and school was cancelled because of concern that kids wouldn't dress appropriately and it would be dangerous for them to wait for's Tennessee - we're not used to this kind of cold.

That means I get a 4 day weekend! Yay! It couldn't come at a better time. So, I could've slept in, but I couldn't wait to start the day.

I woke up, had my huge mug of tea, threw in a load of laundry and got ready for the gym (and I don't know WHY my twitpic of me going to the gym has to be cropped like that...not cute)

I got to the Y at 8 and went on this new Precor machine called the AMT that lets you do either an elliptical motion but with a really long stride if you want it or a stair climber motion. I stayed on for an hour doing a mix, and I feel like I really pushed myself in a good way. It was a nice feeling to take my heart rate and think - hmmmm...I really should slow that down. :)

Then I remembered that when I lived in Chicago I used to use the sauna at the gym as an incentive to work out. I LOVE the sauna. So I'd make a deal with myself that if I got there and did something for an hour that I could have time in the sauna.

So I decided to give that a try. I brought my book in from class and stayed in for 30 minutes.

I think I'll try that more often.

I got home at 10 and pretty much cleaned the house ALL day except for 50 min. when I watched last night's CSI. I had so much energy I did some of my chores (clutter, organizing, laundry, dusting, windex) and then decided to do Ryan's (kitchen, bathroom, vacuuming) so he wouldn't have to this weekend. He cooks dinner for us almost every night, so he really takes on more than I do.

Food-wise, I had that huge smoothie for breakfast when I got home from the gym. It's pretty heavy on the points because of the flaxseed oil, but I don't care - I think it's healthy. The cranberry juice is unsweetened, the protein powder is as natural as I could find (from the Fat Flush diet).

I had 3 100 calorie nutty bars, a bag of SmartFood cheddar popcorn and 2 handfuls of yogurt pretzels in the middle of the day which wasn't great, but it didn't really change my mood.

Before dinner I had some rice crackers, cashews and hummus. And for dinner I had pasta with pesto, veggies, vegetarian meatballs and a glass of white wine. I also remembered my multi and extra vitamin C. I didn't count points.

The snacking was about half an hour after I took my anxiety meds. I hadn't eaten before I took them and I got this funny, dizzy feeling and a surge of cravings. I don't know why, but it felt like it was connected to the meds....who knows...

In other news - I went to class last night and was able to read my articles before I got there and participate somewhat competently in class, and I made the decision not to drop out. It's a little intimidating because I'm the only non-PhD student there, but maybe the prof will take pity. I'm going to stick with these classes, do my best to stay ahead of schedule with my work, and just take it a semester at a time. Maybe that's why I felt good today. The decision had been weighing heavily on my mind.

I think that's all - Ryan and I are going to watch Wednesday's Top Chef now. I like my new DVR :) :)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

What happened?!

That was crazy! For probably half an hour after work I was like a kitchen Tazmanian devil! Just a whirlwind through the fridge and pantry and it was over - I don't even know what happened - just a trail of wrappers in my wake and a dazed look on my face and I hadn't even felt like I'd been having cravings.
I was hungry and had too much of a headache to start my workout right away, so I ate my 2nd Clementine on the way home and then had a chocolate chip granola bar when I got home - that wouldn't have been bad at all, but then I had more rice crackers and hummus and about 20 barbeque chips..and then for some reason I made a bowl of ice cream - almost a cup with sprinkles and a Reece's PB cup. And it just kept snowballing - I had another granola bar, 2 mini candy canes, a truffle and 2 ginger chews. That really came out of nowhere.
The silver lining for me is that if I'd done that before I would've ruined my dinner as well, but yesterday I just had a bowl of coconut, lemongrass, tofu and veggie soup with broccoli and lemon and a ton of water.
I really felt the effects though - my anxiety skyrocketed and my concentration plummeted.
I need a plan the next time that happens. To have a cup of tea, chew gum and go for a walk maybe before I eat any more than I'd planned....

So - breakfast, lunch, dinner and my first snack were great yesterday. I drank enough water. I ate my fruits and veggies. I took my multi. Can I just ignore the afternoon disaster?! No? It doesn't work like that?
Oh well - I guess today's a new day and hopefully a better one diet-wise.

School is already stressing me out! (grad school). I wish I hadn't signed up for classes this semester. I feel like if I didn't have a job and if I wasn't in grad school, that getting myself healthy could be a full time job - just learning new habits, going to counseling (which I never did after my dad died and know I still should), exercising, sleeping enough, learning new ways of thinking and organizing....yeah....I have a long way to go and that could, for sure, be a full-time job.
Of course teaching is more than a full time job.
So - I know I really shouldn't be taking on school now.
If I drop before Friday I can still get an 80% refund.
I'm going to do my readings for class today (7 articles), go to that class tomorrow and then see how I feel.
I'll update today's food journal tonight.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Back to counting points

1st day back to counting WW points; first work-day using TwitPics; first day of classes at UT!

I thought I'd packed everything I was going to eat for the day this morning (21 pts worth, which is my daily allowance). But I was hungry all day, and still hungry and headachy when I got home, so I had 2 tempeh tacos (corn tortillas, 1/2 slice of havarti cheese, fried tempeh, cabbage, romaine lettuce and Wizard's hot sauce - 5.5 pts.) that Ryan had made for dinner.

Total: 26.5 points

I did pretty well with my GHGs too - no time for exercise, but everything else was good.

I'm going to try to stick with a better diet, taking a multi and taking my exercise and sleep seriously because I'm honestly starting to think something's the matter with me - I'm soooo exhausted all the time! I used to have no trouble getting up early and starting the day, and if I had a project to work on I could go - full of energy - for hours and hours. Now it seems like it's a struggle just to get through the day - and, I don't know if this makes sense, but it's usually that I'm more tired than sleepy - almost like an overtired feeling.
So - fingers crossed I'll feel better just improving my health habits. My mom wonders if I have SAD, but I don't think so... I will look into how much vitamin D I'm getting though, because I don't spend much time in the sun at all.

I'm off to get a bit of work done and then I'm crashing! It's another 4:45 alarm clock morning tomorrow :( Booooo!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Quick food & exercise journal

no breakfast
lunch: Indian buffet - 2 wedges of naan, ~10 thin pakora strips with chutney, potato and carrots dish, saag paneer, yellow daal, rice, chickpea and apples salad

dinner: coconut, lemongrass, tofu and veggie soup (large bowl)

dessert: 1 c. Green & Blacks's chocolate ice cream with sprinkles and 1 Reece's PB cup

snacks: finished a bag of potato chips (~1/2 serving); 4 ginger chews; 2 mini candy-canes, 8 small rice and sesame crackers with pepper hummus, 2 small squares chocolate, 2 mini candy cane they were all such small bites, but it really adds up to a lot when I look at it now...

walking only at the park - 5,000 steps; 2.5 miles, 50 minutes

I was soooo tired for at least the first half of the day - I think that's why I started craving sugary foods - and they did wake me up. I mean...I was scary tired - I thought something was wrong. I wonder if my body is just so used to the sugar it feels like it needs it.
I thought I'd slept well, but within 2 hours of waking up (after 9 hours of sleep) I was like a zombie. On the plus side, I made myself go out in 20-something degree weather and flurries to walk in the park. I didn't jog, because for some reason I nearly always twist my ankles when I try to run in the cold. But it was a good, brisk, hilly walk for 50 minutes, so I feel good about it. The most important thing to me is staying in the pattern of getting some activity every day, whether or not it's the toughest workout. I was sweaty and pink and out of breath, so - good enough for me!

I didn't get my asthma meds this week. I was diagnosed with asthma when I was 11, but it wasn't bad at all until I went away to college. From 18 to around 24 it was pretty bad. I used to sleep with my inhaler in my hand because I'd always need it in the middle of the night and would panick if it wasn't right there with me. I only needed to go to the emergency room once, and even then, though I was in a lot of distress, I still drove myself to the hospital so I know it could've been worse. It hasn't been bad for at least 5 years now. I didn't see any problems with it at all from about age 25 until 28 when we moved to Cookeville (asthma unfriendly territory), and I found myself not wheezing, but not able to take full, deep breaths - just a strange, constantly a bit short of breath feeling, but pretty mild. My dr. put me on Singulair and I've been taking it for awhile now. This week my insurance stopped covering it and I would've had to pay $75 for it, so I'm going to try going off of it and see what happens. I'm still going to take something for my allergies everyday, but just try to increase my lung capacity with exercise and start watching the sugar and chocolate a lot more to see if that helps.

Gotta go to bed. Big day tomorrow! Goodnight!

Saturday, January 10, 2009


Ouch - up 3 pounds to 165.2
I knew it was coming though - no way to avoid that when you eat like I ate this week and don't exercise much.
Okay...moving on.
I kept up with the TwitPic journaling today and I think I like it :)
My pictures keep coming out with funny, unnatural looking colors and a lot of blurriness - I can't tell if it's me or the camera - maybe I'll figure that out someday soon.

Food Journal:
breakfast: - 1 granny smith apple, 1 Clementine, 1 Van's wheat free flax waffle, & 2 tbsp. raw, creamy, organic almond butter (7.5 points)
lunch: leftover tortellini (1 c.) with pesto (1 tbsp.) and parmesan (1 tbsp.) & leftover roasted veggies and tofu (12.5 points...maybe...Ryan made the roast last night but forgot to measure the olive oil, so we estimated 1/4 c. which was probably a huge overestimate...oh well - we'll measure next time)
snacks: banana chips (6.5 points), 3 ginger chews (0.5 points), and 1/3 c. mixed M&Ms and mini Reece's Pieces (est. 7.5 points)
(no dinner - big, late lunch and too many snacks)
total: 34.5 points

Exercise Log: (I didn't remember to bring a notebook with, so this is as best I can remember)
Strength training at the gym and abs video at home - I worked out for a total of 1 hr. 35 min, but I'm just counting an hour because of all the rest and stretching between sets.

Abs: Denise Austin "personal training system - abs"
Biceps: curls, 12.5 pounds, 3 sets, 15 reps
Triceps: kickbacks - 5 pounds, 3 sets, 15 reps; extension (overhead) - 5 pounds, 3 sets, 12 reps; dips (machine)- with 112 pounds of support, 3 sets, 10 reps
Shoulders: front raises - 7.5 pounds, 3 sets, 15 reps; side raises - 5 pounds, 3 sets, 15 reps; overhead press - 10 pounds, 3 sets, 12 reps
Chest: fly (machine) - 45 pounds, 3 sets, 12 reps; seated press (machine) - 45 pounds, 3 sets, 12 reps
Back: seated row (machine) - 50 pounds (?), 3 sets, 12 reps; pull-down - 55 pounds (?), 3 sets, 12 reps
Lower body (all on machines): abduction - 100 pounds, 3 sets, 15 reps; adduction - 80 pounds, 3 sets, 15 reps; extension - (? weight), 3 sets, 12 reps; seated curls - (? weight) 3 sets, 12 reps); press and lying down calf raises on same machine - 100 pounds (?), 3 sets each, 15 reps each

All in all, not a bad day. I poked around some blogs and the WW message boards, ran some errands, cleaned the house a bit (more to do tomorrow), watched the miserable Titans lose their way out of the playoffs, remembered my vitamin, had fun with TwitPics, talked to my mom, and...I think that's it...the day really flew by!

I guess I'm going to get ready for bed at 9:30 on a Saturday night, because I'm just that exciting!
I always get so wiped out on weight lifting days - and I want to get in some more reading time.
Hoping for a good, productive day tomorrow before my first real classes of the semester at UT on Monday.

Friday, January 9, 2009

food journaling with TwitPic

Just a quick note to say that I'm going to try using TwitPic to post pictures of stuff I eat during the day. I haven't quite figured out if I set it up correctly, so we'll see tomorrow. I think what I'll do during the weekday is take pics of the food I pack for breakfast, lunch and snack all together and then when I get home I can post dinner and dessert. It might be a lot for me to keep up with though, so this weekend is just a try-out.
I'm also thinking I'd like to try one new recipe or way of preparing food (sprouting, dehydrating...something!) each week and that posting about it here might motivate me to stick to that. Ryan is the cook in our house, and I really, really appreciate him for that, but I should be able to make some sort of contribution in that area. It's only fair.
That will probably be a weekend day since I take forever to work in the kitchen. I'm just gonna play it by ear.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

no snow day!

Oh man - I really wanted a snow day today. I shouldn't have had the ice cream so close to bedtime last night - I couldn't sleep, had 2 nightmares and then cycled through one of those weird dreams in which you think you're awake in your dream...doing mundane things....then you realize in your dream that you're dreaming and wake up and start doing more mundane morning things.....only you didn't really wake up you just thought you did...and it goes on and on...I don't know why, but I don't sleep well with those - very agitating. Then I was just up completely for an hour lying in bed before I got out of bed an was up for another hour. No fun. It was supposed to snow and then the forecast abruptly changed and...nothing. Sigh...

Today is the first day of my classes at UT-Knoxville - I'm getting permission to leave work/school early to go to grad school. It won't take away from the time I'd be with my kids - they're already on their way to buses when I'll be leaving, but I just won't stay until 3:15. I have an agreement to get to work school early in the morning and leave early for class on Mondays and Thursdays. I'm hoping we'll get out of class early since it's the first day, and I'll be home by 7:30.

Food-wise today's been fine so far. I had a low-fat raspberry yogurt for breakfast, this really yummy new Amy's frozen meal - tamale verde with cheese, rice and beans for lunch, and a few banana chips in between. I don't have anything else with me but a package of cheese crackers, more banana chips and 2 Clementines, so I'm going to eat those during my commute back and forth from Knoxville (it takes me an hour and 40 minutes to get to campus). It will be too late to eat when I get back, even if we're let out early, so that should be it. I'm never this bad with the veggies - I'll try to work on that tomorrow.

UPDATE: I emailed my prof for tonight's class (I know her from 2 classes last semester) to tell her I would be a little late and she replied that since she's just planning to hand out the syllabus and dismiss shortly after that, that I shouldn't make that long drive. She offered just to email it to me. So nice of her! So - plans have changed. I'll update the food journal tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A bit of a meltdown, but feeling better

Yesterday I ate some crap. It wasn't the most food I've eaten, I don't think it could be classified as a binge calorie-wise, but the psychology behind it was definitely where I've been in the past when I've binged. I want to detail it because I looove to publicly humiliate myself!
No...wait...that's not why...
I want to detail it because I'm hoping to start having more success, and I'm certain that I'll have difficult moments again in the future, and I want to be able to look back at this entry and sucked but it doesn't have to become an out-of-control downward spiral because look! I climbed out of it! (that's the plan, anyways)

I posted yesterday about a healthy breakfast and feeling tired. I was having cravings. By the time I left work I was plotting a junk-food/Blockbuster run. And here's the run-down of me going to the 'bad place'.

1) I had a dvd to return to Blockbuster (season 1 of Weeds), but instead of going home to pick it up and then taking it with me to check out the next disc (season 2), I went straight to Blockbuster. I didn't go home first because I was worried about how much time I had before Ryan got home. I wanted to eat my junk and watch my junk in private. So - the secrecy is the 1st sign of Unhealthy Decision.

2) When I got to Kroger I went straight for the ice cream and sprinkles. Then I got a cupcake at the bakery section and filled a bag with a scoop of mini-M&Ms and a scoop of Reece's Pieces. The ice cream and sprinkles are no different nutritionally from the other stuff, but here's why one is okay with me and the other is a sign of certain doom.

When I got the ice cream I was thinking about what flavor Ryan would want - I was thinking of eating with him, not alone, so there were not going to be any obscene portions or hiding of evidence. Not the best food choice, maybe, but not something I'm worried about. When I got the cupcake I was thinking " this a wrapper I can stuff in the trash can and hide?", and "Should I get the cupcake with the plastic balloon decoration on top so it looks like I'm buying it for a good, celebratory reason and not just to pig out by myself?" and when I got to the candy bins I was thinking "How much of this did I eat last time when I felt so sick? Maybe (maybe!) I should get less this time.", and "Maybe I should just get a bag of fun-size chocolate things so it looks like I'm buying it for long term, for my kids at school, for a party, anything but for me alone."

3) I don't know how to describe this...but when I was on my way out I was weighing whether I had enough to take home with me....there was something odd about the way I was trying to make the decision about what 'enough' was. I'm still not sure how I decided it was....was it the time it would take me to eat? Was it how full or sick I'd feel afterwards? I don't know...just something off about making a decision about 'enough' that had nothing to do with health or balance. Plus I was again worrying about secret eating and dvd watching time and that motivated me to stop shopping.

When I got in the car, I opened my bag of M&Ms and Reece's Pieces and started eating - paranoid (bad sign #4) that the people in other cars were looking at me and thinking what an oinker I looked like!

When I got home I ate the cupcake, stuffed the wrapper and balloon decorations (yes, I bought that one) in the trash and then took out the trash because it was too full to conceal the evidence (very bad sign #5)

I finished the chocolate while watching my dvds and sank into the couch. When Ryan came home I was feeling off (hmmm...wonder why).... We had a healthy dinner of bean and veggie tacos and hung out for a while and everything was fine, but - long story short, he very reasonably and sweetly suggested that I help him clean up and get ready for bed so I could catch up on my sleep instead of watching my 3rd Weeds episode, and that somehow triggered a complete hysterical, crying, meltdown with me wailing incoherently about just wanting my free-time to do nothing before starting back with grad school Thursday (something I have huge anxiety about...for another post). So - I got that out of my system, sat outside for 10 minutes to cool off, went back in and apologized profusely for being psycho and thanked him for not throwing me in a cold shower.

And, I've felt better since. (except that I feel pretty bad about putting Ryan through that)
We had a good talk about how I've taken on too much and how I'm just going to try grad school this semester, but if I really can't do it and stay balanced after a month I'm going to drop a class and that's that.
I didn't even touch the ice cream or sprinkles.

In a very silly sign that I've been watching too much sports TV, I woke up with the song the NFL has in their commercials for fantasy league football - "You Had a Bad Day" - Daniel Powter (you know..."you had a bad day; you're taking one down; you sing a sad song just to turn it around") And decided to interpret that to mean that I had just had a bad day but shouldn't let it ruin the week - not that I need to turn the playoffs off this weekend.

Anywho...Today I've had a low-fat blueberry yogurt for breakfast and some leftover tofu, kale, rice and veggies stir fry with peanut sauce for lunch. I think I'm going to have a Clif bar now so I'm not too starving when I get home to exercise. The plan is to do my Cher step aerobics which is the most likely exercise to keep my mood up. That and to not take anything out on Ryan no matter what I feel like inside.

Oh - 1 more thing - my work started a biggest loser competition today so I signed up and weighed in with all my clothes, shoes, sweatshirt, jewelry, etc. on. I was at 168. Just one more incentive to keep pushing through.

UPDATE: I did have the Clif bar; I did my step aerobics video and a 10 minute abs; I had eggplant lightly breaded in Panko, steamed broccoli with lemon and parmesan, and cheese tortellini with pesto for dinner and about 1/2 a cup of part Chunky Monkey and part Cherry Garcia frozen yogurt for dessert. So - I feel pretty good about today and I'm going to go read a bit and get some sleep!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Shaky but trying

I was so tired this morning. I'm really going to have to get used to the alarm going off at 4:45. I can't go back to sleep, so I think I'll just get myself in bed to read ridiculously early - like 8:30. Because it's after noon and I'm still exhausted!
So far I had my multi-vitamin and big (3 c.) mug of lemon tea with a wheat free waffle, banana and 12 almonds (5.5 points) and recorded it at WW online's food tracker. I didn't leave myself time to make a salad so I grabbed an Amy's tofu lasagna and just finished that for lunch. (I have to check the points)
I'm still having cravings - I think it's linked to being tired.
I don't know how I'll do with them today, but whatever it is I'll post about it.
I have 2 goals for today - go to bed early because I will never get back on track this tired.
And exercise.
There's a lot of other stuff that I'd like to do...that I should do...but I'm trying to prioritize and set the bar a little low. Time to get back to work!

Monday, January 5, 2009

I wish this day were over

This day needs to be scrapped or burned or flushed down the toilet - I definitely 100% believe in moment-to-moment choices and not letting one bad moment spoil the rest, but I really want a fresh start....
My workshops were fine, but then at the end my supervisor made a weird comment to me and I've been fixating on it and feeling upset. We were talking about our ESL assessments and she was speaking to me and another teacher and made a comment that I needed to not do everything - that we had to communicate and share the load - and I jokingly said "Yeah, Brittany - haha!" (Brittany is the teacher, who's a friend of mine and who would never not share the load...which is why it was jokingly). And my supervisor said no, that if I took everything on it would be my fault...only it didn't seem so jokingly....Anyway - it was just a funny tone and I didn't know how to take it. And I'm very sensitive and take forever to cool off and probably misinterpret/blow things out of proportion all the time. Which is why I didn't pursue asking her what she meant...
So - the eating confession...
I inhaled a bunch of junkfood in a stress induced stupor between lunch and now. That, in the interest of meeting one of my 2009 goals of full disclosure, included probably 2 servings of potato chips, 2 bags of peanut M&Ms, a Reece's Whips bar, 3 ginger chews, a few bites of strawberry sorbet, 4 or 5 cookies (Pepperidge Farm Brussels or something...), and probably 6 squares of chocoloate. OMG!!! I also had a healthy leftover stirfry lunch, but...whatever...I guess I don't get any pats on the back for that.
Well - there it is - out in the open. And since I don't want to report that again I'm going to try not to do that again. And in an hour or so if I have an anxiety episode I'm going to kick myself but not feel an ounce of surprise.
Ryan will be home in an hour to tell me about his first day. I'm going to zone out and read some blogs and news articles (I think I'll check out BBC, Mother Jones and Amnesty International) until then, then eat with him, exercise, shower, read and sleep early. I always feel like my fresh starts need to begin in the afternoon or evening prior to going to bed to set up the next day well. Here goes...

Blech...first Monday back at work

Ug. I'm so dreading this week. It feels like with all the traveling and hosting for the holidays, and starting the break with strep throat, that the time flew by, I didn't get done what I needed to by today, and now I'm just not ready to go back.

Ryan is on his way to start his new internship in Nashville. First day! I'm so proud of him. He's been nervous though and didn't get to sleep for a long time last night - I got to sleep first, but I was up way past when I wanted to, partially with him and partially because in a moment of complete idiocy I consumed probably a cup of mini M&Ms and Reece's Pieces. I thought I was supposed to have learned my lesson about that the day before....hmmmm....not good.

So - I didn't really set myself up to start the week right. We got up at 4:45 so Ryan could get ready and start his long commute by 5:45 - that turned into 6 when we couldn't find his keys. Ah!

So I'm really, really tired right now. Sleep is #1 hugest priority for me - I don't know what my problem is but everything I struggle with is magnified when I'm sleep deprived - allergies, anxiety, asthma...everything. And my mood's not so hot either! The worst thing is that I know this about myself and did it anyway. I'm trying to at least make today more productive than I made yesterday.

I typed up my list of goals this morning - a sort of informal daily checklist to keep me focused.

I've also been working on doing my 'educator information record' and am starting on my 'future growth plan' - teacher paperwork stuff that I should've had done already. Today there are no kids - just workshops. I signed up for a workshop that would've given me time to work on this paperwork stuff, but it was cancelled last minute when I went to double check my schedule last night. So - I figured as long as I'm up early I might as well just conduct my own little workshop.

Today I'm going to 4 sessions. One on the new high school standards. I teach elementary grades, but I need to know where they're headed. The others are on autism and aspergers, the school system's budget (because I want to eventually go into policy), and the ELDA inventory (standardized ESL assessment for primary grades). I should get to just listen and absorb (no role play or getting-to-know-you activities) most of the day, except the ESL workshop which is a share/brainstorm session with people I know. I think that's a good mode for me today - I'll learn valuable info but won't have to expend too much physical energy. Aren't I just a ray of sunshine? :) I'll try to get a better attitude by this afternoon. The plan is go to workshops, come home and do my pilates video, finish my lesson plans and future growth plan and get ready for my evaluation tomorrow, then clean and shut down the activity early so I can get to bed at 9.
I'm off to get ready.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Post holiday wrap up

Wow - I haven't posted since Wednesday. It's been busy around here! We did Christmas and Hannukah on their actual dates with my family in Chicago, but when we got back we still had to celebrate Christmas with Ryan's family. We got back on Tuesday and spent that day, Wednesday and part of Thursday trying to get unpacked and reorganized, clean up, shop and plan for the weeekend. Ryan's dad got here Thursday and his mom and aunt came Friday.
We had been wanting to try some raw foods recipes and thought his family would be open to being our guinea pigs and they were. It turned out great! We mixed raw and regular (vegetarian) foods and it took forever to prepare, but turned out so elegent and yummy. We served 3 courses and took breaks for opening presents and hanging out in between. I took pictures of the table and the first course below. It's our first holiday hosting duties, so I'm excited with the whole thing.

1st course - We had summer rolls (marinated veggies, avocado, young coconut meat, basil and arugula) - 2 wrapped in thinly sliced cucumber and 1 in a regular rice paper wrapper; a young coconut meat pad thai with almond chile sauce (those 2 were the raw recipes), and fried tempeh with 3 dipping sauces (peanut tofu, almond chile, and the soy vey Caribbean teriyaki from a bottle - you can see them in the middle of the table)

2nd & 3rd courses I don't have pictures of. 2nd course was a yummy coconut lemongrass soup. We just used those packaged noodle soup (almost like ramen noodles, honestly) in the lemongrass chile flavor, and added the coconut water from the young coconuts and canned coconut milk. Best ever! Yummmmmm.
3rd course was brown rice with steamed veggies, stir fried tofu and kale, and peanut sauce. One of my favorites. Everyone loved it and I'm so relieved!

As far as the weight loss progress goes...I haven't been so diligent. We did go on a pretty tough hike together on Saturday, but that's all the exercise I've had. I may go on a walk 2x around the 1.8 mile lap at the park if I can get Ryan to come with me. I'm way too paranoid to go alone. Maybe it has something to do with growing up in the city, but I get nervous jogging through woodsy areas - like someone's going to jump out of a tree at me :)

I've been vaguely trying to make healthy choices, but haven't been counting points or being very restrictive. I'm not giving myself a free pass for the holidays or my vacation and I haven't been binging or eating secretly (my danger zones), but I wouldn't say my choices have been diet friendly either. AND - I missed my weigh in. Oh...wait...I can just weigh in now. It's only a day late. I'm so smart :-P
Okay - I'm back and at 162.2. I didn't have an accurate weigh in last week, but I think I called it 163 because it looked like my mom's scale was 4 pounds lower than mine and it said I was 159. have a loss at all this week is pretty awesome and surprising and here's why...
Yesterday Ryan's dad made potatoes with tofu and orange slices for breakfast. We took them to the Indian buffet for lunch - I had naan, aloo ghobi, sag palaak, a chick pea salad, pakora and chutney. Later we had leftovers from Christmas/New Years meal (just the raw stuff so, not bad at all - there was no leftover soup, tempeh or stir fry). I also snacked on cashews (maybe 6), beet and sweet potato chips (maybe 12), chocolate (ummm...I - 10 pieces, each 1" sq.), and some ginger chews (probably 5). Later I had a whole bunch - at least half a pint of Haagen Dazs chocolate chocolate chip ice cream that had me wired and anxious and up until almost 1 AM reading archives at Pasta Queen then my book. I learned my lesson I hope - that did not feel great.
So - today I'm going to look back through the list of 2009 goals that I wrote out on Wednesday morning and make a list that I can print out just to check and peek at periodically - to keep myself focused. I've also left myself with a lot of work left to do to get ready for work again tomorrow. I want to journal my food today - maybe I'll look into posting pics on twitter pic (I saw Laura at The Pursuit of Healthyness doing that and it looks like a good idea), and exercise. If I do that and get some work done, it will be a good day.