Tuesday, February 24, 2009


This weekend was really fun! I think Ryan was surprised and happy with everything we did.

Friday we left around noon and drove 3 1/2 hours to Asheville. We checked into our B&B - it was gorgeous! We stayed in the Ralph Waldo Emerson suite. It had a jacuzzi tub and one of those huge showers that sprays waters from nozzles on the wall as well as above. The room itself was beautiful with tall ceilings, a stone fireplace and a huge bed with tons of fluffy pillows.

We met one of Ryan's friends for dinner at The Laughing Seed Cafe - an awesome veggie restaurant. I had the tempeh Napolean - yum! After that we went to this bar/art gallery and the boys had beer while I just hung out.
Later we went back to our room and had hot cocoa in the jacuzzi :)

Saturday we were served a huge 3 course breakfast - we had warm pineapple and cheese (surprisingly good!), oatmeal creme brulee and a nut pastry.
Then we went to The Grove Park Inn Resort and Spa (super turn of the century fancy shmancy feeling). This is the place I want to come and stay if I ever get to a huge goal like my goal size or finishing grad school - a reward for something huge. Ryan had an hour long golf lesson while I sat in the cart. Then he played 9 holes while I went in the clubhouse with my laptop and tried to get some work done for a presentation I had due for class Monday.

After that we went to a place called Marco's pizza for lunch - Ryan remembered it as being good and wanted to go there. I wasn't too impressed. I ordered broccoli and spinach on my pizza and it came out wet and soggy. But he was happy and that's all that matters - it was his b-day.
We went to the Fresh Market next door and picked up a few bottles of wine to bring back to the B&B.

That afternoon, Ryan had an hour massage while I did some more work.
We went out and walked around downtown, had Indian for dinner at Mela's (soooo good, but we took most of it in a to-go box because we'd eaten so much already that day) and then went back to the room to nibble some chocolate b-day treats we'd picked up downtown, have a glass of wine and enjoy our room.

Sunday, Ryan woke up not feeling well - he has a cold. What I'd scheduled for us was an all day homebrew (beer) workshop, but since he wasn't really up to it, we went to the place it was going to be at (Hops and Vines) and he picked up a few bottles of beer to take home. We canceled and signed up for another workshop for 3 weeks from now. This is a beginners workshop so it's actually going to work out better than the one that was planned for his weekend - which was intermediate level (which we're not).

We then walked around downtown, went back to Laughing Seed for lunch, and got on the road back to Tennessee.

I'm so glad we went. It was an expensive weekend, but I wanted to do something big for his 25th, and I think it turned out really well. Asheville is the cutest town! And now we get to go back soon :) This time we'll just stay at the Hampton or something - and probably just 1 night unless we decide to make another weekend of it and go see Biltmore on that Saturday - I will be on spring break.

I think I've been on a little bit of a post-vacation let down since we've been back. I have a lot of work due this week and next and we're doing all these tedious standardized tests at work - it's hard to get my energy up for it all, but it's all good.
I'm happy we got to do all those thing and happy to be back at comfortable home :)

Friday, February 20, 2009

leaving today!

Yay :) We're going on our trip for Ryan's birthday today! I'm super excited. I think he's going to really enjoy everything. I have surprises for every day that I know he'll love. And when we get back I'll tell you what that is.
I decided that I would tell him everything we're doing for each day at the beginning of that day. Except for today when I'll tell him when we leave. Actually, I put little cutesy poems in his birthday cards to tell him :)
I still have a lot of work to do this weekend, so hopefully I can find some time here and there. Maybe Ryan will want to take a nap or something :) I'm not a napper, so that's good study time for me. He's going to do the driving once I tell him where we're going so I can do some work in the car. That's always tough with the laptop though. But I'll do what I can.
I need stuff from the internet and I doubt the little B&B we're going to has wireless, so I'm going to try to download the pages I need to my computer before we leave.

I weighed in today since I won't be here tomorrow and even though I wasn't 'dieting' all week, I was a little disappointed. As of yesterday I was down 2.2 pounds from last weigh-in and then all of a sudden today I jumped right back up exactly 2.2 pounds to 166.6 -the same as last weigh-in.
Silly body! I guess I did eat heavier yesterday - right at the end of the day and unplanned.

Breakfast: banana and granola bar
Lunch: leftover pesto tortellini - I just packed the rest into the little pesto container, so not much
Snacks until I got home at 9 - Mary's Gone crackers (13), cashews (small handful), raw red cabbage, carrots, 2 tbsp. roasted red pepper hummus
Dinner: (Ryan had surprised me and had it ready when I got home - I would've been okay without it, but it was yummy and the warmth was soothing to my cough) - a cup of potato and garlic soup, 3 slices of teriyaki tofu and a slice of toast with a sprinkling of olive oil and parmesan
Dessert: (really didn't need this - total impulse when Ryan brought it out - ate mindlessly while watching Top Chef - note to self: no snacking while watching food shows!) 5 Danish butter cookies

I'm don't have any plans to watch the diet while I'm out of town. I'm not going to go crazy, but I'm going to celebrate Ryan's b-day with him and not worry about it. Right now I'm mostly just concerned with avoiding binging or any hint of it like secret eating or eating emotionally, since those things crept back in the 2 weeks before this one and it scared me. And for me, I usually don't have a problem making healthy choices when I'm not doing those things. I love veggies and fruits and whole grains and all sorts of healthy foods - I don't like greasy foods or fast food at all - I do have a serious sweet tooth, but it's okay when I'm eating out and sharing and being social.

I'm off to pack, then I have half a day of work and we're on our way!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Wed. food journal

Trying to keep this simple & short right now but still have a record of health and diet...

Breakfast: rice cake and almond butter
Lunch and mid-day snacking: granola bar, banana and strawberries, 1 handful barbeque chips and 1 handful of pita chips with hummus (that's what happens when I don't pack a lunch)
Snack: Cadbury Egg and Reece's Pieces (1 package)
Dinner: leftover tortellini with pesto and parmesan
Snack: later when Ryan came home I had some steamed broccoli w/lemon and a bite of his mac and cheese plus a bite of his eggroll

To me, this is a perfect example of a day without planning ahead. This is nothing like a bingey day, but definitely could be a lot better.

I went to my doctor today and she said I have a sinus infection and gave me a shot of antibiotics and a shot of steroids (one in each side of my hips - ouch!)
She wrote me a prescription for some heavy-duty cough medicine with hydrocodone in it for my cough, but it was $75 so I just took some Robitussin DM instead (pretty gross).
She also recommended this fizzy thing that disolves in the shower...Suda Care Shower Soothers or something
And she recommended this solution to use with a squeeze bottle or Neti Pot for clearing out my nasal passage - it's called Sinus Rinse. I used it and didn't mind it. It didn't have that nasty feeling that nasal sprays usually do - very gentle. Pretty gross what comes out though, but I guess it's better out than in.
She said I should keep taking my sudafed and advil and my allergy pill and my guifenemine (probably didn't spell that right - generic Musinex) so I just took all that and am off to bed very hopeful that I'll feel better soon :)
Somewhere in the back of my head I remember being a person who was careful about taking too many meds...hmmm....wonder where she went?

Tues. food journal

Quick entry for food journal today.
I'm still trying to get so much work done before we go out of town on Friday. I'm going to have to bring some with, but hopefully it won't be too bad.
Still sick - I made a doctor's appointment for during my lunch today. But I am feeling a little better this morning. I only had 2 or 3 bad coughing fits in the night and got a lot more sleep than yesterday. The funny thing is, yesterday at work I was so miserable, but I felt better pretty soon after I got home. I think it makes a big difference just getting to lie down and have a cup of tea. At work, if I talk too much (which is hard to avoid) or walk or climb stairs my throat and lungs were burning like I was in a sauna, but not as fun. So...my (very small) dilemma is - if I'm at home, I feel sick but well enough to get through the day at work. But if I'm at work and using energy, I feel like I'm not being productive enough and that I should've stayed home.
I could totally do the work we're doing this week (inventories for the ESL standardized test) at home, but unfortunately I don't have the kind of job that lets me make that judgment call and trusts me to work here.
So - I'm going to work, then to the doctor and depending on how I feel mid-day I'm considering taking a half-day. We'll see.

Here's what I ate - my appetite was nonexistant in the earlier part of the day so I just sort of snacked. But when I got home I wanted warm food and made a fairly big early dinner.

Breakfast: blueberry crisp Clif Bar
Lunch: banana
Snack: ~4-5 pita chips; handful of cashews (~12)
Dinner: bowl of cheese tortellini with pesto, 3 veggie meatballs, and broccoli w/lemon and parmesan
Snack: 1 small ginger lemon cookie

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

It's early

Well, I'm sick. Blech.
No pinkeye - I think that was just from allergies or getting a cold or whatever this is that's keeping me up.
It's 2:30 AM or some nonsense and I've just been sniffling and hacking and coughing next to Ryan and I feel bad that he's probably not sleeping much, so I thought I'd get up, drink some tea and post my food journal from yesterday. My lungs are much happier with me vertical.
I think I have a cold, but yesterday I glared suspiciously all day at all the mold on the pipe coverings in my classroom...I also found out that "they" gave us 16 months in the school - something about how any longer in there wouldn't be safe. This is our 2nd year there, so I guess we're on about month 14 (?) not counting breaks. Hopefully that 16 months # was an overly conservative estimate. Soooo...I actually hope I have a cold and all this constantly getting sick this year isn't because of that building.

Anyway...yesterday wasn't too awesome on the food front...could've been worse.
Breakfast: banana
Lunch: Amy's veggie & bean burrito
Snack: half a Clif Bar (oatmeal raisin)
Random, pointless grazing at school: 3 biscuits (little chocolate cookies), & 4 Hershey's kisses
Snack: (in car on the way to class)~1/4 of a bagel sandwich with cheese, hummus, lettuce and cucumber
Snack: (before & after PM class) raw cabbage, cucumber and carrots; 2nd half of the Clif Bar

Guess that's all for now.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


I may have pinkeye.....sooooo gross! Not an attractive post - don't read this if you'll be disgusted with eye details, okay? Okay.
I'm not sure - it's not bad. I was extra goopy when I woke up, but not stuck closed. I'm blodshot on one side, but not totally pink. Yesterday I was super itchy and cruddy in my eye...
I had trouble studying because it's in my right eye and it was making it hard to see out of that eye. I have good vision in my right eye and that's the only reason I don't wear glasses - that eye takes over - if I close my right eye I can't see well enough to read without a lot of strain.

I read about it on WebMd and it said it can be the super-contagious if it's viral or bacterial, but can also be caused by allergies. My sore throat is actually better, but I've had a cough and conjestion and been very sneezy for a few days....could be a cold. I also have allergies - so - could be no big deal. I am at higher risk than most because I work in a cess pool...I mean a school.
It's Sunday, so my Dr.'s not in her office . I'm torn about whether I should just wait and see if it's allergy-related and gets better or if I should go in and be seen in case I need to wait 24 hours until I can go back in to work - I'd rather not take a sick day over this.

The Pre-K assistant who works in the room next door to me said that the doctor she goes to sees about 8 other teachers from my school - and says that they all go to him with the same symptoms. He thinks it's connected to the building we work in - he thinks the building is making us sick. There's visible mold on some of the ceiling pipes. The building is OLD - maybe 90 years? And it's been condemned. But I'd assumed it was safe for us to use it after our old school had a fire the spring before I came here. Can a building be un-condemned?! All I know is what I can see - which is super shady floors that feel like they're about to break through when you walk on them and windows that have quite noticable drafts rushing through them...plus the crap on the pipes....
I don't know, but it would be interesting to see if we have a higher rate of being sick than teachers and kids at other schools - if our allergies are worse - if we're out for more sick days/absences, etc.

Anyway...enough rambling.
Yesterday wasn't great for my diet, but here it is.

- I had an apple for breakfast.
- I was still starving mid-morning so I had a slice of Ezekiel bread with 1 tsp. olive oil and nutritional yeast for a snack.
- We went to Indian Buffet for lunch and I filled up my plate once but didn't go back. I had a cold chick pea/apple salad, rice and 2 triangles of naan with a scoop of a lentil dish (dal makhani, I think), a scoop of a potato dish (it was new....just potatoes and seasoning) and a scoop of a spinach dish (saag...umm...i don't know). I also had chutney and a few onion pakora.
- Later I stopped at Walgreens for Kleenex and Valentine's Day cards and got 2 Cadbury Eggs, a marzipan chocolate piece and an almond chocolate bar - and ate them all that afternoon. So much for my resisting cravings post.
- I was obviously stuffed after that so I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day except some baby carrots.
Forgot my multi.
Drank plenty of water.

Ryan bought himself some cheap golf clubs at Walmart and went out to play yesterday. I felt bad about not going with him because it was Valentine's Day, but I was trying (and miserably failing) to get my work done. He was romantic and said that everyday was Valentine's Day and we could plan as if it were February 14th any day I wanted. Or everyday. He's a keeper. ;)
I'm going to try to read about 10 pages in my text (which will literally take me an hour if I stay focused...pathetic) and then take my laptop out and at least ride on the golf cart with him while I work. (he wants to go out again today).

Wish we had President's Day off so I could relax about the work, but we used too many snow days and the board voted to make it an attendance day...no biggie, really, but I feel bad if anyone had made 3 day Valentine's Day weekend plans in advance and had to cancel or take a personal day.

Alright - I'd better get movin'!

Saturday, February 14, 2009


+0.8 from last week (but down 3 lbs. since 2 days ago when I put a stop to eating the house down)
-9.4 total
51.6 to goal

About what I expected. This is just 1.2 less than what I weighed when I started the detox.
The past 2 days have been good for diet, the 11 days before that - terrible! I'm actually lucky I haven't gained more.
I haven't exercised in 2 weeks.

It's a frustrating, unhealthy cycle I've gotten myself into, but all I can do is try my best today.
I might take Ryan out to Indian Buffet for Valentine's Day, but if I do that I'll eat light the rest of the day.

I'm off to get a pile of work done.
Trying to be extra productive so I don't have to bring work with for my weekend away with Ryan for his 25th b-day next week. :)
I'm sooo excited.
I hope he loves what we're doing although I can't talk more about it because even though I don't think he reads my blog, it's not a secret from him and, well...you never know when he'll get curious.

Oops - almost forgot my food journal from yesterday

breakfast: rice cake w/1 tbsp. almond butter
lunch: lentil veggie soup
snack: 12 (?) baby carrots, 13 Mary's Gone crackers and 2 tbsp. roasted red pepper hummus
dinner: 2 pieces of Ryan's shepherd's pie (tofu/veggie)
snack: orange
I remembered my multi and drank at least 10 cups of water - I was thirsty!

Didn't add up points or calories. I'd say ~24 points if I had to guess and maybe ~1400 cal.
I should enter it later just to see if I'm guessing close or not.
I wish SparkPeople had a recipe function like the WW recipe builder - where you just enter your recipe and the number of servings and it figures out the info in each. I know I could do it manually, but it would be convenient if the site did it for me. They don't have that feature, do they? Hmmm.
A little low on protein and veggies but not too bad. Normally I'd have more veggies with snack but I need a trip to the grocery store.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Conquering Valentine's Day cravings

Just a quick sort of note to myself that I have been faced with diet-dangers all day long and have resisted all of them - so it IS possible, and it will get better if I chew gum, distract myself, think about how I'll feel if I give in and stay fueled with healthy foods.

This morning, on the way to work I stopped at CVS to get suckers for my kids and saw the Easter candy in the next section - I have a huge weakness for Cadbury Eggs and mini-chocoloate thingies...I don't know what they're called...the kind that look like robins' eggs with the candy shell. I saw them out of the corner of my eye and made myself look the other way, grab the suckers for my kids (which don't really tempt me) and head to the check-out.

At work, I found some Hershey's Kisses I had randomly stashed in a drawer (actually, one of my ever-watchful kiddies noticed them and said "Hey! You have candy in there!" :) It's one of those transparent rubbermaid drawers.
I would've given them out, but there were only 3 or 4 - not enough for everyone. So they stayed there and I didn't touch them.

Later in the afternoon (typical craving time), I remembered they were there and thought "oh - what could it hurt?" But knew the answer was that it could lead to a downward spiral and took out my snack to eat early instead (carrots, crackers and hummus). After that I didn't want the chocolate anymore.

Everyone had Valentine's Day parties and all day long I was offered cookies and cupcakes and things, but didn't take any. I finally accepted some to take home for Ryan, but feel like I have my cravings beat and am not going near them.

I am curious about one thing...I have one of those nauseating, throbbing headaches...and I wonder if that has to do with not giving into cravings...a sort of sweet-tooth withdrawal. I'm just curious if I would've had the 'bad' snacks earlier if I'd still have a headache.
Not going to test that out - just wondering...
Be back for weigh in tomorrow...I'm guessing it will be just about the weight I was at before I started the detox...oh well...

Before bed cravings update:
I had a moment of self-doubt when I almost thought that there was no way I'd be able to resist tempting sugary things (e.g. the Dove ice cream minis in my freezer right now). I just didn't believe in myself and I almost caved. (I'm starting to believe that most of the times I haven't been successful at dieting and other things in my life are due to my failure to believe in myself, actually) But I didn't give in. I ate a yummy, juicy, sweet orange instead with a cup of tangerine herbal tea. Cravings? Poof! Gone :) I need to remember these little successes so that I don't talk myself into a binge sometime in the future. Goodnight!

Let's try some accountability

Yesterday was a good day eating-wise.
I needed it.
I've been getting sick ALL THE TIME this year and I need to get healthy. Eating buckets of sugar isn't going to help that.
My throat is actually worse this morning, but that obviously has nothing to do with eating healthy yesterday.

I estimated on calories for a few things (just veggies - wasn't positive about portions), and I think the calories I looked up for my falafel patties are wrong because they were big and fried, not small and homemade....So I added an extra 150 calories to what SparkPeople says I ate and it came in at 950 for the day.
I felt full and I felt like I was eating constantly, so I don't know how I came out so low.
I guess feeling under the weather and eating lots of raw veggies explains that.

Here's what I consumed

Breakfast: banana
Lunch: lentil soup with raw veggies (cabbage, carrots, celery)
Snacks: apple, 13 Mary's Gone crackers, 10 almonds, 10 cashews
Dinner: Huge salad with 2 falafel patties, lots of veggies and ~2 tbsp. tzatziki sauce

I did remember my multi and I drank ~9 cups of water.

Didn't count points - sure it was within range.
I know it makes no sense to count calories and points, but I'm wishy-washy and can't decide what I want to do, so for now I'm paying attention to both.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Eating machine

Ummm.....ummmmm....well, I don't know what to say. I have no excuses. I don't know WHY I can't seem to get out of this cycle...I've been eating everything in sight pretty much ever since I finished my detox, and the scale really, really, (OMG!) really showed it today. I'm almost back up to 170. I'll post my official weigh-in on Saturday, but it won't be pretty.
It's not because of the detox that I've gotten back into this pattern - I didn't have cravings when it was over. It was just that I seem to do better with structure and when I take that away I fall apart. Someday, hopefully, I'll be able to be more laid back with food, but apparently not now.

I know I said I was just going to focus on a couple things at a time and put off making diet a main focus, but I don't think I can do that without regaining everything.

So - I'm going to go back to recording what I eat. I made a weekly meal plan layout for myself, and I'm going to be really good about preparing my meals the day before.

Today's been fine so far. I packed a banana for breakfast, lentil soup and veggies for lunch, a falafel salad for dinner and nuts, crackers and an apple for snack.
I've had through lunch so far plus my multi-vitamin- no cravings (this is usually when I'd start having them). My body is sick of junk and doesn't want it right now.

I've had a sore throat for 2 weeks and I think it's related to being congested. I think the congestion could be linked to the sugar consumption - too much clogs me up.

I'm just not ready to NOT make this a focus and I'm caught up in work and school, so I'm getting back into focusing on my diet earlier than Sunday or next week or whenever I was planning to because it's soooo necessary. I can't regain everything. I don't want to start from zero. As much as I fail, I just need to keep picking myself up, dusting myself off and trying again. Someday it'll stick. Maybe today! :)

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Still here & psycho-babble

Sorry to go MIA.
I'm still here, but trying to stay away from distractions right now. I'm having a hard time justifying blogging breaks because it always leads to a bunch of internet-related distractions. I have the attention span of a goldfish, apparently.

Grad school is crazy hard and busy this semester and I'm trying to make keeping up with that and not stressing myself out by getting behind higher on my list of priorities than this page for the time being.

When I was spending so much time planning and calculating and writing about my diet and exercise, (and got sick) during my detox week I got behind on my classwork.

I spent this week trying hard to get caught up and then work on the current stuff.
As of now, I'm finished with the backed up work, almost finished with the 1st readings of all my materials for the coming week, but still have work to do on a couple presentations and the 2nd pass through the readings to prepare for class discussions. My classes are tiny (one with 7 and one with 3 students), so I have to be prepared either to discuss meaningfully or look like an idiot.

I'm having a hard time balancing all the goals that I have for myself. They're pretty basic things, and I was not, in fact, raised by wolves, so I don't know why I can't just pull it together and do everything at once. But, the fact is that when I do well with preparing for work and school my house falls into a horrible, messy state, I slack on exercise and don't plan healthy meals.

When I do great with exercise and eat healthily and get to bed on time, I fall behind on work and school stuff.

If I manage to eat well, exercise, keep up with the house, get to bed on time and stay reasonably on pace with work and school, I can never get it to last and I wind up stretched too thin, anxious and neglectful of Ryan or any other social life, hobby, etc... And, honestly, the few times that's happened have been during weeks when we've had snow days or 3 day weekends or something.
You get the idea...

I know I'm taking on a lot, especially with my long commute to school, but I don't think it's more than I should be able to do. I just need to be able to work efficiently. Which, for me (don't mean to sound like a broken record) means taming this anxiety beast and chilling the *bleep* out!

I just haven't learned to juggle yet.

And I think it might take time.

I think I might have to work on keeping all my goals sort of in the back of my mind, but only focusing and really concentrating on and fully committing to a couple at a time and not trying to put so much pressure on myself to do everything at once.

I've realized that I have really pitiful self-confidence.
I try to take on a lot, and I probably am completely capable of doing all the things I want for myself, but somewhere, not so deep inside, I just don't believe I can pull it off. I did not have overly critical parents - not blaming them - but I've realized that I have a hard time believing that I'm able to be successful...as a teacher, student, professional, friend, girlfriend, healthy person, athletic person, cook....If I ever achieve any level of success, I always feel guilty and my mind goes to this place where I find an excuse for why it doesn't really count.

For example, it's been a long time since I've received a grade below an A but I attribute it to grade inflation as a general crisis in higher education.
My boss/college professor has made a few passing comments that involve her saying I'm 'brilliant' and I blush furiously certain that she's being sarcastic and poking fun at me.
I have a great relationship with Ryan, but attribute it to pure dumb luck and his phenomenally saintly character.
I know my kids are learning and I know they love me and I love them, but when I see gains I think "wow - they're so lucky I'm not their only teacher, I have someone else as a safety net in case I mess up"
Even though I used to cook up a storm in high school, I have such a silly lack of confidence in the kitchen that yesterday it completely blew my mind when I made a sandwich that turned out pretty great. Yes, a sandwich.

I think it was Scale Junkie who made a post about not believing that we can succeed...that the next moment of weakness/binge/whatever...is right around the corner - I totally relate.

I don't know where all this came from. I'd probably be a fun puzzle for a psychologist if I ever make the time to find one I can relate to. :)
I have a B.S. (appropriate letters) in psych, maybe I should explore the psych-stereotypes myself! ;)
Let's see....

Childhood: Did I belatedly crack from the pressure of being in 'accelerated programs' growing up?

Relationships: Was it the hellish, destructive (but not abusive) on and off and on and off relationship with my first boyfriend from age 16-24?

High school drama: (e.g. The best friend who fell in love with me and blamed me (plus turned half our friends against me) for not being a lesbian? (but failed to tell me why she and they were shunning me for 3 months after it started!))

Family: The loving but admittedly challenge-filled days of my depressed, self-destructive, alcoholic dad? His passing? Mom's co-dependence? Their divorce?

Body-issues: Being emotionally immature but highly physically 'developed' by the time I was in middle school and the harrassment I got from older men because of it? (had breast reduction when I got fed up after growing out of my DDDs at age 19 - wanted to get the surgery in while I was still covered on Dad's insurance)

Chemical imbalance/general craziness: Anxiety issues that kept me in my apartment and failing classes for long stretches of time as an undergrad....the shame of that and the bad grades that seemed to reflect on the quality of my brain, not the spiraling-out-of-control issues of a lost teen.

I'm of the philosophy that we all have crap to deal with, but that as an adult I have to take responsibility for my life as it is now and as I dream it could be - and not blame any current state on any other person or circumstance from my past. I don't think I'll be seeing a therapist anytime soon, but that kind of did help me get some things off my chest and realize that I need to be forgiving - there's a lot I haven't dealt with and I can't expect to be perfect overnight.

So - in the spirit of keeping things in perspective and focusing on small goals - I'm going to make this week's goals keeping ahead of school work and work-work, and preparing for the next day the night before (setting out lunches, clothes, etc.)

Thanks to anyone who's reading for being inspiring! I love reading all your posts even when I disappear.
Back to work!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

time consuming

Oh man...I'm so behind in my classwork - it's awful - I'm just drowning. It's bad when I'm praying for a snow day to give me a chance of getting my head above water.

I'm so glad I did the detox (thinking of doing it once a month) and I definitely, definitely feel that it's important for me to track the nutritional info of the things I eat, but I just can't spend time on that right now. Not for a few days anyways.
I'm not taking a break from eating healthy things - just from counting it up and writing about it.

I'm still nixing junk food - sugar, refined carbs, pre-packaged goodies and such. We won't be having pizza or nachos on Super Bowl Sunday. I won't be packing granola bars or worse, cookies, in my lunch or snacking on ginger candies or leftover candy canes. I certainly won't be making any unplanned stops at the store for M&Ms and Reese's Pieces. I'm not even going to buy any supposedly healthy frozen meals. I'm just going to eat well, eat mostly homemade things and try to do it intuitively.

Yesterday I had tofu and soy sauce (gluten), so I'm adding those back in. I'm probably going to eat some veggie sausage or burgers and such. My freezer is full of them and I need convenience food right now (otherwise I'm going to wind up eating handfuls and handfuls of cashews). The detox book said that the fake meat products interfere with your body's absorption of certain minerals. Maybe if I just don't take my multi at the same time?
Haven't decided yet about cheese...I love cheese, but it can be too much...maybe a little here and there.

The thing is, I need to catch up to manage my stress. Right now, I'm behind and because I'm stressed about it, I'm getting anxious. And when I get anxious, it takes me sooooo looooong to read and comprehend anything. I have to read everything like, 6 times. If I can get caught up and then a little ahead (snow day? pleeeeease?), I can get back on schedule, get in my exercise, plan meals, etc.

So I may or may not post in the next few days, but I'm going to try to stay offline for the most part because it's too distracting for my tiny, little attention span.

There - now that I said it outloud, maybe I'll stick to it and get this work done already!