Friday, November 21, 2008

I'm not giving up

So...the week started out well on Sunday. I exercised both days of the weekend, I ironed and set out all my clothes for the week, I packed my lunch for Monday. But, I did NOT have anywhere near the amount of studying I needed to have done finished by the start of the workweek, and, as I knew it would, that placed a huge amount of stress on my shoulders and set me up for not enough sleep and too high anxiety to easily stay on top of my plan.

Monday through Wednesday I ate terribly (sugary things and a lot of Indian buffet on Monday), didn't sleep enough, worked non-stop for school and failed to exercise. I woke up in the middle of the night on Tuesday with my heart racing and covered with sweat. I don't remember having a nightmare. That, combined with my anxiety creeping steadily higher and an overall blech feeling caused me to start worrying about my health.

So, Thursday I recommitted myself to my goals and reminded myself about the reasons I need to be in control of eating, sleeping, exercise and stress - for long term health and happiness. I also reminded myself about some short term goals. When I saw my doctor October 21st, I had lost 14 pounds since the last appointment, and it felt really good to see that written on my chart and hear how proud my doctor was. I really want to see a few more pounds off when I go back in December.
Also, no matter what, on any occasion for family gathering, someone is going to say something about my weight - either asking if I've lost or making some sort of comment about how hard it is to lose weight with the intention of commiserating with me...empathizing or something...So that's not fun, but if my weight is going to get attention, I'd prefer that it's the former reason. Thanksgiving is next week, so I haven't given myself much of a chance to lose by then, but Christmas is almost 5 weeks away, so maybe I can lose 10 pounds and fit comfortably in my 14s by then. (I never thought 14s would be a goal size, but....anyway...that's where I am)

I had a good day yesterday with my food choices. I logged my diet. I got all my schoolwork done. I didn't exercise. On Thursdays I don't get home until 9:30 and there's just no time. I'm going to try again to stay on plan, log everything, exercise, stay on top of cleaning, sleep enough, pace myself with work, and post about it all every day. With the bad choices I mad Monday - Wednesday, I don't think I can expect to lose anything this week, but if I stay the same, that won't be too bad. I'm still 11 pounds down from when I started losing in July, and I'm determined not to let those 11 come back. That means I have just under 50 pounds to lose. A daunting task, but better than 61. I'm setting my birthday July 18th as my goal date.

I'll try to post tomorrow. I'm also trying to figure out how to post my before pictures and adjust the layout of by blog, but I'm not very tech savy, so no promises.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Ever hopeful

This was really a terrible week for my diet. No exercise. Lots of peanut butter cups consumed. I had a pile of them and felt like I HAD to eat them. The strange thing is, I was sooo happy when I realized they were gone. Very relieved. I didn't really want them, I was just eating them compulsively. So...obviously that has to stop.
I wasn't good with my other goals either. The week was high stress. I slacked a little on sleep. Didn't keep up with chores. Crammed schoolwork in last-minute. I'm not going to beat myself up about it though. I think I just need to try to have a better day today and take it one day at a time.

Thank God I'm in the home stretch for school. I have a bunch of readings to catch up on that are due next week, but my last BIG projects are final papers due the first week in December. And then it'll be over!

I'm trying to decide what to do next semester. If I only take 1 class (which is what I feel is right for my health), I won't be able to finish in 2 years. That would be fine, except if Ryan graduates and decides not to attend the fast-track grad school program here, we'd be moving before I'd finish the program. So...I'll probably wind up taking 2 classes. If I stay ahead of things on schedule (and if professors give a week's notice for assignments), I should be okay...not great, but okay. Is there any tactful way to ask professors ahead of time if they are committed to giving at least a week's notice for readings and assignments and if they are in the habit of giving prompt feedback. In the 3 classes I have now, I don't have a single grade in one of the classes, very little informal feedback either...and the semester is almost over! In one of the classes I have feedback in the form of letter grades, but not responses to emails and direct questions about assignments. The 3rd class is pass/fail, so I'm not sweating it...but no concrete feedback there either. That just doesn't work for my personality style.

I've added a whole bunch of stats to my blog (over on the left). I'm going to take my measurements tomorrow because Sunday is the first day of my week on Weight Watchers. I don't know if I have any measurements from when I was 176. If I do, I'm not going to look for them this weekend.

So...I think I'm going to head off to the gym. I'm trying to make Saturdays my one big weight lifting day - when I do ALL the muscle groups. During the week, I'm just sooo unmotivated to do 2 things at the gym (aerobics & weights), and I think it's more important that the aerobics happen consistently through the week (I mean...I can't just do all my aerobics on Saturday...that would be at least 5 hours...)
Wish me luck!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Well...that went poorly

So, Sunday I did okay. I slept enough Saturday night, I finished my assignments due Monday, I exercised - Ryan has a blister so we didn't go running, I just did my Cher step aerobics video in the living room :). But I didn't track my points after breakfast, and I don't remember everything I ate so I can't go back and do it now. I know I had a few leftover from Halloween mini M&M packages and I know I finished the last bit of coffee ice cream we had. So...not to great.

Monday was a disaster. I didn't get enough sleep Sunday night, and I really think that is a huge key for me. I just fall apart when I'm too tired. My kids and the other teachers all notice and ask what's wrong with my eyes and why they look so dark. (I don't know why, but I tend to get very dark circles...maybe it's my skin - but, anyway, lack of sleep shows up very obviously on my face). So, that was bad. I didn't get much accomplished in the way of schoolwork. I didn't exercise at all. I didn't track my points and I ate candy corn, junior mints AND a chocolate marshmallow type of thing. I did good on my water and I did eat 3 pretty nutritional meals in addition to the junk. Probably only 3 fruits/veggies though...that's not like me.

So, now it's Tuesday. Election anxiety day. I'm an Obama supporter in a red state, but I'm wearing my Obama shirt today anyways! I got very nearly 8 hours of sleep last night. I'm about to go do a quick abs workout. I'm packing my gym clothes so I can go to the gym after work. There are no kids at school today - just a teacher inservice, so there's a chance we'll get out early. And, I've already planned my meals which I'll post about later if I actually stick to it. (I know...great attitude). I'm going to try to take a nap when I get home because there's no way I'll be able to sleep until the election is called. So - here I go. Restart take 3!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

My first blog

Hi! I'm creating this blog to serve as a diary for my quest to get healthy and lose weight. I have struggled with my weight for most of my life, but decided to take the reigns and get healthy this summer. I joined Weight Watchers July 27, 2008 and by mid-October I had lost 18 pounds. I've gained back 2-3 pounds in the weeks since, and think that an online diary will help me reverse the trend before it gets out of control. I am going to focus on holding myself accountable for sleep, stress management, diet and exercise by posting about it here. My goal for tomorrow is to get 8 hours of sleep, go for an hour-long run/walk with my boyfriend first thing in the morning, track my points on, and complete my class work for the next week. I teach elementary ESL full time, but I am also taking 3 grad classes at my state university and am struggling with balancing everything. I know that my body is extremely sensitive to lack of sleep and poor stress management, so if I want to lose weight and have enough energy for my students and myself I need to make sleep and health a priority.