so-so

Yesterday was okay-ish...I mean - judging by very low standards (i.e. not stopping and buying my usual junk food at any store) it was better. Calorie-wise - better. Not super.
I had a banana and yogurt for breakfast.
I had a big salad with lots of veggies, garbanzo beans, ~1/8 cup of cashews and dressing with flaxseed oil, olive oil and red wine vinegar for lunch.
After school I made nachos....yeah - not so good. I also had a handful of Thai Kettle chips.
The nachos were made of 3 handfuls of corn chips (about a single layer of chips on a medium dinner plate), ~1/2 cup of black beans, cheese sprinkled on top (probably 1/4 c.) and salsa.
I totally skipped dinner but did have 2 squares of dark chocolate.
I really don't do well with afternoons, do I? :)

I know I don't deserve a pat on the back for not eating multiple candy bars, but I actually do feel a lot better this morning. I'm not in that sugar-hangover fog.
I'm still gnat-like in my ability to focus, though.

I was thinking of looking into books about sugar - like Sugar Busters, for example, and just reading about the ways in which it's harmful, why it's so addictive, etc. This sugar thing...obsession...fixation...whatever you want to call it, is a big part of my life and I really should learn more about it. At the very least, maybe it would help motivate (or guilt) me into making it easier to avoid. If I could just get this sugar habit licked, I think I'd have a really good foundation for a healthy lifestyle.

I love veggies. Broccoli and red cabbage are 2 of my favorite foods right up there with raspberries and chocolate. I love whole grains and always prefer them by taste & texture to white flour-based products. I love beans, tofu, low-fat yogurt, tempeh, fruit, nuts, etc....all the good stuff. I don't like fried foods or fast foods at all with the exception of Indian fried foods (pakora, samosas). I prefer to drink water and never have soda with the very, very occasional exception of a natural ginger brew. The only juice I drink is highly diluted unsweetened cranberry juice and the only 'teas' I drink are really just 'herbal infusions' (don't know if this is a good thing, but at the very least it's neutral - no caffeine, calories, etc.).

These habits aren't because I'm disciplined (obviously) - it's just the way my tastes naturally lean. If I don't descend into a sugary, bingey, state of zero control, I think I'd do alright. I don't have to learn to dress up or choke down healthy foods. I don't have to be taught about normal portions.
But that's the tricky part for a lot of people, right? Just tackling that one, huge, ugly demon.

If, in a moment of sugar-craving or too-hungry/low energy weakness, I were offered a plate of steamed veggies, tofu and rice OR a bowl of ice cream, I really think I'd go for option #1. Maybe the key is to just have those foods readily available to me because I know if I have to spend 45 minutes making it, I'll go for option #2 in a heartbeat.

I'll work on that this weekend and see if it helps. Maybe I do have some sense in me afterall!