balanced

As you know if you've read this page before, I've had a lot of ups and downs this year (mostly downs) and I'm trying to figure out what to do to set things right once and for all. My biggest obstacle is binging, and my biggest binging trigger is feeling shame. It seems to me like people who are happy and fulfilled in their lives and who stay productive and busy (but balanced, NOT overwhelmed) don't participate in those sorts of self-destructive behaviors. So what I've been trying to do is concentrate on being balanced and feeling together. For me, this involves being prepared for work, looking the best I can, being physically active, keeping the house clean and organized, being social, having a creative outlet and doing some sort of self-improvement/studying project.

After I turned in my final last week I went shopping and for the past week I've really been trying to pay attention to the way I look. I've been planning my outfits, which are now composed of clothes that fit me and are not falling apart, the night before. I've been doing my hair and makeup and wearing jewelry.

I've reconnected with some long-lost friends on facebook and through some overdue phone calls and have been trying to be more outgoing at work.

I've started my Rosetta Stone Spanish lessons.

The house is...well....getting there. Not a disaster zone.

Having these things in place sets me up for success. And I'm definitely ready for some success. I've regained the weight I lost last fall and when I weighed in yesterday was back at 175 - a nice, round, restarting number, right? It seemed like as good a day as any to re-focus, I guess! I set a goal of losing 60 pounds and feel totally ready now that I've decided to take the summer (at least) off from grad school. I got my grades from the spring semester this morning and miraculously maintained my 4.0! I have no idea how that happened, but I'm extremely relieved and ready to put the stress of that semester behind me once and for all.

Yesterday and today I planned healthy meals and have been doing well so far with not feeling snacky. Both days I had Greek yogurt with strawberries and Ezekiel cereal for breakfast and a salad with garbanzo beans for lunch. Yesterday's snack was veggies and hummus. Today's is string cheese and an apple. Yesterday's dinner was brown rice, steamed veggies, yeasty tofu and soy vey teriyaki sauce. Today either leftovers or hummus/cheese/veggie sandwiches.

Yesterday I also went to the gym for the first time in a looooong time. I did an hour on the new Precor AMT (?) (half in elliptical motion, half in step motion). Then Ryan and I went for a short (20 min) walk in the evening.
Today I'm planning to start the C25K program, maybe do some weights and then go to a step class at 5:15. It will be my first class ever at the gym :) I'm a little nervous that I'll look stupid, but mostly excited that I'm going to try something new.

Ryan's meeting me at the gym after work. Now that I've set myself up for success and with the two of us committed to a healthy lifestyle together, I'm feeling hopeful that a lot of great changes will take place with my fitness and health this summer.