trying to get it right

Meh...
I thought I did really well yesterday, but I entered my food on SparkPeople this morning and I'm STILL getting too much fat (64 g. when my recommended max is 56). According to the goals they set up for me I'm also slightly too low on carbs and too high on fiber, but probably not enough to be worrisome.
Printable Nutrition Report

It is helpful for me to enter my food and get that feedback though - otherwise I wouldn't have realized that my 4 oz. of tempeh had 8 g. of fat! I wouldn't have even thought to factor that in as a fat source. Seeing what I eat all laid out in front of me helps me understand where the little bits of fat are coming from and how they add up (4 g. in the crackers, 2 in the lowfat yogurt, 2 in the protein powder, 3 in the hummus, etc.)

The problem I'm still having with fat is trying to integrate these recommendations I hear about oil and still not go over. I'm trying to get 1 tbsp. each of flaxseed oil and olive oil, which is 28 g. of fat right there. I'm also trying to eat seeds or nuts regularly. I only had 1/2 an oz. but that's another 7 g.

I wrote about this last week or the week before, but I think I still need to search for another source of long-chain omega-3s that is lower in fat. And maybe I'll cut down on the olive oil, although it's going to be hard to get less than 2 tsp. if I use it for cooking and in my salad dressing...

I woke up at 4 AM from a nightmare and that spiked my anxiety which somehow led to me lying awake worrying about my health instead of doing what's good for my health and resting!
I'm already planning a nap later when I get home from work.

Even though I didn't feel ready, it was so great to be back at work and see my kids yesterday. They were so excited when I came to pick them up and were hyper and huggy and a little clingy all day. With the standardized testing nonsense we'd been doing before break I hadn't really had classes with them consistently for a month, so they were relieved to get back to normal.
Such angels :)
I really am lucky to have that job and be in their lives. I want to get my health together for me but for them too - as an example and as a more energetic teacher.

daily weigh ins

I've been weighing everyday and I think I have to stop or learn not to worry about it so much. On Tuesday and Wednesday I lost, but then I gained Thursday. I lost again today but not down to Tuesday's #. I'm not sure why....I'm diligently tracking everything I eat and staying in my range. I exercised by walking Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday - I missed yesterday but cleaned & organized the house almost the whole day, so at least I was active.
It's pretty deflating to do everything right and see those numbers on the scale go up, so I think I might just weigh Mondays and leave it alone.

I think my brain is adjusting to trying to focus on health rather than quick weight loss. I can remember in the past losing half a pound a day....but the thing is, I never kept it up, always gained it back, etc... Now I'm hoping to lose 1-2 pounds a week, but more importantly to improve my long and short-term health, and feel happier and more active. Before, I always JUST wanted to be skinny. So - I'm trying to change my state of mind, but am partially still expecting the same quick results I'd get briefly before. I logically know that my weight will fluctuate due to differences in hydration, elimination, time of day or whatever, but since I have such huge guilt and shame issues with my body, seeing a number go up triggers something bad there.

After feeling great and having an easy time sticking to my meal plans the first 3 days of the week, I struggled a little yesterday and I'm not sure why, but one possibility is the disappointment about that stupid #. (I also got less sleep, was worried about how much time my organization projects were taking and was starting to stress about school work - plus I had cocoa Wednesday night after not having any sugar for 2 weeks, so that could've triggered something I suppose).

My calories and other #s actually turned out fine. I'm still labeling this a 'good day' (I have so many more posts labeled good days than 'bad day' now! It's nice to see. For a long while they were neck and neck). At the end of the day the only difference between the plan and what I ate was that I had 2 flatbread crackers instead of fruit. Fat was better because I didn't have a smoothie or salad with 1 tbsp. of flaxseed oil - which isn't really something I want to make a habit of. Here's the rundown.

Breakfast: 1 c. lowfat plain yogurt with 1 banana, 1/4 c. Ezekiel flax cereal and 10 almonds
Lunch: 'leftover' gobbetti whole wheat pasta (3/4 c. dry), 3 meatless meatballs, 1/2 c. Amy's tomato basil sauce, 1 c. broccoli (boiled with pasta for 2 min.), lemon juice and 1 tbsp. parmesan. (Actually, I didn't make enough for leftovers Wednesday so I just made the same thing)
Snack: 2 multigrain flatbread crackers and 12 cashews (no picture)
Dinner: leftover split pea soup with 5 pieces tempeh and 1 slice Ezekiel sesame toast with 1 tsp. olive oil and nutritional yeast; 5 carrots and 1 c. raw, red cabbage (not pictured)
No dessert

Totals:
1,515 calories
44 g. fat
210 g. carbs
69 g. protein
43 g. fiber
2,219 mg. sodium

Printable Nutrition Report

I will be productive today!

Yesterday I took my anxiety meds as normal and was promptly knocked on my butt for 2 hours feeling horribly dizzy, tingly and nauseous. I had these symptoms when I first went on them almost a year ago, but they hadn't shown up in awhile - only if I don't eat before I take them. But yesterday I had that nice, big bowl of steel cut oats, apples and almond butter first...so it didn't make sense.
I'm trying to get my intake as clean as possible so I went off my allergy meds (haven't noticed much of a difference) and birth control pills (started Fertility Awareness Method) this week - one or the other of them must've been interacting with the anxiety pills in some way. I went off my asthma meds a couple months ago and haven't noticed a difference. My asthma has been really mild for years now and I don't have problems unless it's extremely hot or cold or I'm otherwise sick in a way that affects my lungs.
So - I called my doctor & cut my dose back, but in the meantime it seriously put a damper on my planned productive morning.

Today I got up at 5:15 with Ryan, made his lunch (since I made a mess in the kitchen, didn't clean up and didn't want him to have to deal with it), and now I'm going to have my tea and get right to work before I eat or take that pill.

Yesterday was the 3rd day of eating my pre-planned meals (seems longer) and it went well!
I'm still too high on fat and fiber...should've replaced my celery and guacamole snack with crackers or something...it's a funny dilemma to have, but as a vegetarian, trying to avoid going too low on calories and trying to eat fewer processed foods most of my choices are either higher in fat or fiber than I necessarily need. Hmmm....I have some low-fat string cheese...that might be a good option. Maybe more yogurt is in order, except I usually try to get the plain and add my own fruit and other toppings to stay away from the sugar in most fruit-flavored yogurts - so that makes it become more of a meal than a snack. I'll figure it out.

I needed to pick up my car from getting worked on, and Ryan wasn't going to get home before they closed. I didn't want to bother anyone else for a ride and I still needed to get in my exercise, so I walked! It took me an hour and 20 minutes, my pedometer says it was 9,550 steps and I think it was ~3.5 miles. It was sunny and windy and on a busy street, so it wasn't the most relaxing or enjoyable walk, but I'm really glad I did it.

Here's the journal:
Breakfast: 1/4 c. (dry) steel cut oats cooked with 1 apple; topped with cinnamon and 1 tbsp. almond butter
Lunch: salad with romaine, red cabbage, red pepper, carrots, cucumber, 2 tbsp. sunflower seeds, 1 tsp. olive oil, 1 tsp. flaxseed oil, 2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar and 1/2 serving of szechuan smoked sprouted tofu
Snack: 2 celery stalks; guacamole (1/2 avocado, lime juice, salt, garlic powder)
Dinner: gobbetti shaped whole wheat pasta (3/4 c. dry), 1/2 c. Amy's tomato basil pasta sauce, 3 Veggie Patch meatless meatballs, steamed broccoli (3/4 c.), lemon juice, 1 tbsp. parmesan cheese
Dessert: huge mug of hot chocolate (4 tsp. Green & Black's hot chocolate powder, 1 c. vanilla soy milk, filled the rest with hot water)

Totals:
1,426 calories
60 g. fat
172 g. carbs
58 g. protein
42 g. fiber
2,179 mg. sodium

Details:
Printable Nutrition Report

I heart spring break

Aaaahhhh....relaxation :)
It was so nice spending the day with Ryan yesterday.
We went for a walk, went shopping for the rest of his homebrew supplies, ran errands and watched Matrix Reloaded (I hadn't seen any but the 1st one...apparently I'm a little slow).

The only negative was, remember how his car needed $900 of work done in it last week? Well, I took mine in for 60,000 mile service (it's over 120,000 mi.) and it needs $1,000! I knew this one would hurt - I think last time I had the 60,000 mile service it was $600-$700....but it's older now and needed more done. Ug. That's pretty brutal.
I really need my car to be reliable though, so I told them to go ahead and do it. I've never had 1 thing go wrong with that car mechanically - it's been great. It's pretty beat up physically from a deer running into it years ago (I swear! I didn't hit it! It ran right into the side of my car...I cried and cried and cried...I'm too sensitive for the country...anyway...)...and 2 of the windows don't roll down...but in terms of getting me from place to place, I've never had a problem and that's the most important thing. I figure, even $1000 if it's just every few years is better than having a car payment again.

The walk was my exercise - 45 minutes (~4500 steps)
For diet, I planned my whole week ahead of time without checking nutritional info first. I just sort of guessed at what I thought would be about right. So - yesterday I ate what I'd planned to except a piece of fruit I wasn't hungry for at dessert-time. But, it didn't turn out the best nutritionally. I went a little over on calories over on fat, over on fiber (probably not a big deal), and came up to the maximum of my sodium intake. I learned how easy it is to eat too much fat when I wasn't paying attention - especially since I'm trying to get in 1 tbsp. each of flaxseed oil and olive oil each day for health reasons...when doing that I really can't have, for example, nuts or almond butter AND guacamole on the same day. Yesterday I had chips, guacamole and cheese...can't do that apparently. Like I said yesterday - I'm not sweating it too much if I get too much fat because of flaxseed oil, tofu, nuts and avocado (Omega-3, mono- and poly-unsaturated)...but I do need to watch the cheese and chips.

I can't tell you how much I'm loving planning all my meals, snacks, everything ahead of time for the week. I have a super-anxious personality and I feel like this takes some pressure off for some reason...and I never remember ahead of time what I'd planned, so I feel like I get a happy surprise each day. My real test will be when my stress level rises again for whatever reason...that's when the cravings start - but I think planning ahead and having something specific to look forward to every few hours really does help me combat that. It's a good thing to get into the habit during these 2 weeks of spring break. Maybe that will help it stick later.

Breakfast: smoothie with frozen berries, protein powder, 1 tbsp. flaxseed oil, diluted and unsweetened cranberry juice, and 1/2 c. low-fat, plain yogurt
Lunch: leftover split pea soup with tempeh; Ezekiel sesame toast w/1 tsp. olive oil and nutritional yeast; raw baby carrots and red cabbage
Snack: 2 tbsp. roasted red pepper hummus with raw celery and baby carrots
Dinner: 2 corn tacos with cheddar cheese, mixed beans, a mixture of romaine, red cabbage, vinegar, & olive oil, and hot sauce (Wizard's Hot Stuff - my favorite...actually not hot at all); guacamole (1/2 avocado, lime juice, salt, & garlic powder); 1 serving tortilla chips (10 chips)

Totals:
1,602 calories
71 g. fat
173 g. carbs
68 g. protein
42 g. fiber
2,230 mg. sodium

here's the full details: Printable Nutrition Report

tracking calories

Yesterday went well.
I planned ahead for the whole week, so I'm excited about what's coming up - I think Diet Girl wrote a post about this recently...or maybe it was in her book....I don't know, but either way, she's right on. I can definitely see how having a planned, nutritious, yummy meal to look forward to would curb cravings.
I felt satisfied and happy with everything I ate yesterday, it was all good for me, and the calories were evenly spaced out so my energy stayed up. I'm so glad I have the time while I'm on spring break to track nutritional info. I'm starting to record that info for foods I eat frequently so that I won't have to spend so much time looking it up and so I'll have a better sense of how to plan my days when I'm not on break.

Yesterday I walked for 40+ minutes for exercise.
Food Journal -
Breakfast: 6 oz. plain, nonfat, Chobani Greek yogurt with 1/4 c. Ezekiel flax cereal, 1 banana and 7 almonds (347 cal., 6 g. fat, 55 carbs, 25 g. protein)
Lunch: Romaine salad with peas, carrots, red pepper, red cabbage, 2 tbsp. sunflower seeds, 2 oz. peanut ginger tofu and dressing with 2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar, 1 tsp. flaxseed oil and 1 tsp. olive oil with seasonings (345 cal., 22 g. fat, 25 carbs, 14 g. protein)
Snack: 1 oz. cheddar cheese, 9 rice crackers, 1 flax multigrain flatbread cracker (220 cal., 11 g. fat, 20 g. carbs, 9 g. protein)
Dinner: Split pea soup with potatoes, celery, parsley, and tempeh baked with olive oil; also split the rest of the cornbread from Greenlife with Ryan (368 cal., 11 g. fat, 53 g. carbs, 9 g. protein)
Dessert: apple with 1 tbsp. almond butter (183 cal., 10 g. fat, 24 g. carbs, 3 g. protein)

Totals: 1,462 calores, 60 g. fat (36.5%), 177 g. carbs (47.4%), 60 g. protein (16.1%), 30 g. fiber

So - pretty good except a little high on the fat - that's always where I'm off. I am going to try to watch that, but I'm not stressing too much because it's all 'good fat' except from the cheese.

Printable Nutrition Report

Today I'd planned to clean all day and watch some of my recorded shows from Monday, but Ryan's home sick, so I'll just clean up and then see what he feels up to. He almost fell asleep in the shower and was so dizzy he could barely stand. He's sleeping now. I think he's just exhausted, so it's a good thing we have nutritious meals planned and I'm home to take care of chores. His eating has been pretty bad lately, he hasn't had time for exercise and he has an hour and 15 min. commute to and from work everyday - I think all that's catching up with him. He was always super skinny, so never had to think about calories or 'diet'. I've always been heavier than I wanted to be (although now I'm kicking myself for hating my 135 pound body all those years and 30 pounds ago), but at least all that obsessing and worrying about my health and weight translates to a good understanding of nutrition now. I guess that's a benefit for all us serial dieters if we can channel it for good.

I'm so glad we have DVR now. I love my tv but can't justify all the time I'd spend watching it if I couldn't do chores at the same time and fast forward through commercials. (I probably still can't justify it, but that's not changing today)

I watch House, 24 and Medium and they're all on the same night, so I record them. I also watch CSI and usually record 18 Kids and Counting, Ace of Cakes, and sometimes watch other cooking shows like Iron Chef. I also sometimes watch Jon & Kate + 8, but I don't know what happened to that show - Jon and Kate seem different now - always angry and really short with the kids - and the kids are picking up on the adults' conflict resolution 'techniques', so it gets on my nerves. I know that's judgmental and they're probably great parents who are tired of having cameras around, but it just seems like the show was more fun to watch before Kate, especially, became a different person because of the success of the show. Hmmm...maybe I should stop watching if I'm going to be negative :)

Okay - I get a smoothie this morning :) Mmmmmm

Weigh-Day & Greenlife haul

163.8 this morning.
Down from 165.4 last Monday for a loss of 1.6 pounds.
Total loss of 12.2 pounds.
I exercised very lightly this week and didn't count calories - just tried to eat well. So, I'm happy with that :)
It's still a part of those same 5-10 pounds that I keep gaining and losing over and over again, but a loss is a loss and I'll take it! Plus - I haven't had any bad (i.e. bingy and careless) eating days for 10 full days now and I feel tons better - just happier and lighter and more energetic and hopeful.

We're back from Asheville and I'm officially on spring break and loving it! I slept in an extra 2 hours until 7:30 this morning and that feels great. I have our meals planned for the week already and I think that will help me stay on track.

Yesterday (3/15) I exercised for 30 min. on the elliptical at level 8 out of 25. I've noticed that I'd been getting headaches after I work out strenuously and I thought that might be because my heart rate is getting too high. So - yesterday I checked every once in awhile and I think I was right. I'm going to take it a little easier than my body feels like it wants to and keep an eye on that until it gets better. If I get day-long headaches every time I work out I don't think I'll be very motivated to do it, so - slow and steady seems like the way to go. Anway...yesterday's journal...

Breakfast: apple and 60 cal. light & fit strawberry yogurt at the hotel (if you're not used to eating aspartame, which I haven't had in a long while, it is really over-sweet and chemically tasting and pretty gross...but it was the best choice I felt I had)
Lunch: I thought we'd order pizza at the homebrew lesson but that must just be for the longer classes (ours was just 4 hours - some are 5-6), so I didn't eat lunch until 4-ish. I had a handful of raw cashews in the car and then at Greenlife (grocery store) I had tofu, steamed veggies, a small piece of cornbread and a piece of Ryan's super yummy roasted veggie panini (~2"x2")
Other: No dinner or snack because when we got home it was too late to eat. But I did have a taste of one of the new crackers we got from Greenlife (just 1 bite); and I tried one of my new teas (plain - no sugar, milk, etc.) - Moroccan Orange Spice. Good!

We got a huge haul of groceries at Greenlife - sooooo expensive :(
But we got great stuff and a lot of it was staples that we shouldn't have to buy again for months. I got a bunch of good quality dark chocolate because I feel like I can have a really small amount and satisfy a sweet tooth so it doesn't turn into an out of control craving. I got hot cocoa for the same reason. I only plan to have either about twice a week. All together the chocolate haul should last a month. (famous last words?) So - here's what we bought...

- tons of veggies (cabbage, broccoli, romaine, cucumber, red pepper, celery, squash, garlic shitakes, asparagus (just Ryan), parsley, sweet potatoes, garlic, English peas and kale)
- fruit (bag of apples, pears, bananas, lemons, limes, and avocado)
Vegenaise (vegan mayonaise - really good, although I never liked mayo, so I can't say if it's a good substitute)
teriyaki baked tofu
peanut ginger baked tofu
extra firm tofu (2 blocks)
tempeh (2 pound block)
garlic herb almond cheese
cheddar cheese
coconut oil
ketchup
bulk tamari (wheat free soy sauce)
Amy's tomato basil pasta sauce (my favorite but it's ~$7!!! So I only get it maybe twice a year)
brown rice cakes
brown rice thins (crackers) x2
multigrain flatbread
pasta (gobbetti shape, whole wheat)
rice noodle soup packets x4 (1 lemongrass chili, 1 garlic veg, 1 thai ginger, 1 Bangkok curry)
dried apricots (just Ryan)
dried figs (just Ryan)
raw almonds
raw cashews
dried pinto beans
dried kidney beans
dried black beans
dried split peas
large container of Nancy's low-fat plain yogurt (Just me)
2 Stonyfield Farms strawberries and cream yogurt (just Ryan)
2 Stonyfield Farms French vanilla yogurt (just Ryan)
Siggi's "Icelandic style skyr - strained, nonfat yogurt" - orange and ginger (just me)
Chobani non-fat, plain Greek yogurt (just me)
4 Yogi Herbal Teas (Moroccan Orange Spice, Lemon & Ginger, Berry Antioxidant, and Mexican Sweet Pepper - I'm anxious to try that one!)
Earl Grey tea (just Ryan)
Green & Black's hot chocolate
Vosges Naga Bar (half ounce chocolate bar, 41% cacao, "sweet Indian curry powder, coconut flakes, deep milk chocolate")
Lake Champlain Chocolates - peppermint crunch dark chocolate, 54% cocoa
Theo 84% cacao chocolate from Ghana
Rapunzel dark chocolate with almonds - 55% cocoa
Equal Exchange "dark chocolate with pure cocoa nibs" 68% cacao

and that's it!
pretty much all organic...maybe all - not sure.
Of course I forgot carrots and coconut milk...it's so annoying when you do a big, expensive shopping trip and forget 1 or 2 little things...oh well.
I'm off to see what's on my meal plan today. Something yummy I'm sure :)

March 14 food journal

Really quick journal - we're at the hotel in Asheville and Ryan's anxious to get to breakfast, but I want to get this down before I forget.

Breakfast: 3 veggie links with potatoes, hot sauce, salt and other seasonings. (Ryan made the potatoes - so good! - he added cumin seeds, smoked paprika, and garlic)

Lunch: apple, baby carrots and more potatoes (snacks on the road). Total with the potatoes at breakfast I probably had 3/4 of a white potato and 2 small red potatoes

Dinner: out for Japanese (not my favorite, but it makes Ryan happy) 1 piece of an "Altenderfer roll" with tempeh, avocado, almond butter and maple syrup; 1 piece of a "veggie futomaki" with avocado, cucumber, broccoli and smoked tofu; 2 veggie gyoza dumplings; 3 pieces of spicy garlic tofu; 4 pieces of tempura (2 squash, 1 carrot, 1 broccoli); brown rice (maybe 1/2 cup); 3 pieces steamed broccoli; soy sauce; barley tea (mild and earthy and weird)

Later: 1 glass white wine

Today we have our beer-making lesson.
I'm going to try to get a workout in at the hotel before that :) It's raining so we'd just as soon stay here than walk around Asheville today.

I feel like I'm going to have a loss on Monday's weigh-in. Feeling lighter :)

randomness

Yesterday - March 12 - Journal
Breakfast: smoothie with frozen raspberries and strawberries, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder, 1 tsp. flaxseed oil and 8 oz. diluted unsweetened cranberry juice (~1 part juice, 7 parts water)
Lunch: bagel sandwich with cheddar cheese, cream cheese, roasted red pepper hummus and TONS of veggies
Snack: apple (I packed almonds but they tasted off)
Dinner: salad with garbanzo beans and tons more veggies (cabbage, carrots, red pepper, cucumber and romaine); salad dressing with 2 tbsp. red wine vinegar, 2 tsp. olive oil and 2 tsp. flaxseed oil

I felt hungry and probably could've eaten more, but I get home late Thursdays and don't like eating late. I usually put yogurt in the smoothie, but we're out - I'd usually have more snack too.

We finished our standardized ESL tests at work! Yay! We're boxing them up and turning them in to central office today. This is exciting because 1) it's been going on for weeks, 2) the kids are extremely impatient and frustrated that I haven't been able to pull them, 3) it won't be hanging over our heads during spring break...which starts after school TODAY!!! :) Yay!

Bad news with one of our cars (the one Ryan drives) - it was rattling a little, so Ryan took it in to get an oil change and have the tires rotated...long story-short it needed $900 worth of work! Ug. That hurts. It was out of alignment and some tire rod had worn down and was almost broken. Then there was something cracked and leaking on the engine. And because it had been out of alignment 2 of the tires were worn down and needed to be replaced. Plus little things like the oil change and replacing the windshield wipers. The labor is the big part of it though. So - he has my car today while his is at the shop and I'm getting a ride in and back from work.
I'm due for my regular service at 120,000 miles - that's a big one too.
Good thing we just last week made a budget and talked about saving for car maintenance and repairs. We decided we'd each save $100 a month toward that so now we can just think of the repairs as coming from that and that we have $300 left for the remainder of the year for that car....although that's just a comfort for our heads because we hadn't actually had that plan in place for more than 1 week.

I was really stressed about class yesterday - I just feel lost, as I keep going on about. I don't know what it is about me, but if I don't understand something fundamental about an article I'm reading I have a really hard time feeling comfortable 'getting the gist of it' and moving on. It tears me up. I either figure it out or agonize. To make another long story short, my prof asked for my comments about something (there were only 2 of us in class, so there was a lot of pressure) and I didn't answer and instead got up my courage to say that I needed to ask some questions first - she thought they were really good questions and kept saying so and that she wasn't sure she could even answer them well - and she spent a pretty long time addressing them and talking about the fact that they are huge, long-standing issues in the field. I felt better after that because I realized that she didn't just sigh and ask me to talk to her after class or scold me or look down on me with her manner.
Hopefully I'll have a lot of time to study and work on that class over break. I just need to get through the semester - just to the end of April, I think.

I'm off to get ready for my last day before break! Happy Friday!

doing alright

I finally got batteries for my camera so I can post pics again.
Yesterday was just fine - I did get way to hungry between lunch and dinner but it wasn't a disaster.
Breakfast - apple with almond butter.
Lunch - brown rice, steamed veggies, and teriyaki tempeh
Snacks - carrots and roasted red pepper hummus, 4 blue chips, rice cake with almond butter (too much almond butter)
Dinner - leftover cheese tortellini with steamed veggies and pesto

If I do well today (and I totally plan to...everything's packed), I will have gone 1 week without sugar. No sugar = no binges = happier me. Well...that's 1 week without sugary treats - I'm not counting foods that probably have sugar, but aren't sugary treats. Like - last Friday I had veggie lettuce wraps from PF Chang's and the sauce probably had sugar....anyway - it's an improvement. I realized I keep losing the same 5-10 pounds over and over, but I'm down to 164.2 today from 165.4 on Monday and that's encouraging to me. I was worried I would do well this week but not lose at all because I would be regaining from having strep and not eating much.

I keep having recession dreams. Last night there was hardly any food left in the grocery store and the custodian from school was there working a 2nd job (in my dream). We started the year with 3 custodians and so far 2 have been laid off. It's so sad. The director is doing everything she can to avoid cutting teachers - we've cut programs, supplies, buses (now each bus runs double duty), support staff....I hope everyone gets to come back next year.
Ug.
Okay - no point dwelling on that. I'm off to work.

being reasonable

After I posted yesterday all about how great I felt not eating sugar right now, I had all these sugar cravings! I don't know if it was blogging about it or that I didn't have enough of a lunch or what....
But I was able to think about how I'd feel - physically and emotionally - if I ate sugar and decided against it.
I ate as planned yesterday - I had the lasagna for dinner. I was so hungry when I got home from school, that I put that in the oven right away and ate by 5. Before that I had a half a rice cake with almond butter and a handful of blue corn sesame chips while I was waiting. I also had a 100 calorie kettle corn pack at school.
I went out to the disc golf course with Ryan and walked while he played. Didn't eat anything else the rest of the day.
I only walked about a mile, but it was hilly and better than nothing. I'm just trying to stay in the habit of getting any exercise at all.

Last night I planned my meals out for today. I had planned to have a smoothie for breakfast but woke up at 4 after doing something tretcherous to my back - I think I pinched a nerve - I could barely move, took some advil and laid on an ice pack for a while before I got up. By that point I needed a quick breakfast so I had an apple with almond butter (which I'd planned as my snack) and I'll just have the smoothie for snack.

I'm cautiously positive right now.
I'm working a bit on housework everyday to catch up and things are looking better. I'm starting to listen to my 7 Habits cds. I'm pretty much hanging in there with my schoolwork. I know that doesn't sound too awesome, but it's the best I can hope for right now. The stuff is just way over my head. I feel like I don't have the appropriate prerequisites...anyway....I'll muddle through.
I'm eating pretty sensibly and enjoying eating less and feeling lighter.
I have my sights set on some goal weights for upcoming 'events'. I'd love to be below 160 by the time I get back from spring break (starts next week - goes for 2 weeks). I'd really be proud of myself if I could be back in my 10s (for me - about 135 pounds) by our 5 year anniversary and family-reunion-type event over 4th of July weekend.
So far, so good.

better without sugar

I'm back at work and feeling relatively healthy! Luckily, since yesterday was a county-wide sick day, I didn't have to take any days off work.
I've been off sugar again since I got sick - today is the 5th day. I feel a lot better without sugar. I'm sure it wouldn't matter if I had a little, but if I had a little it would probably snow ball into a lot - I don't have a great track record there. I'm not having cravings....just commenting.

Yesterday I went to class and cleaned when I got home until after midnight. It felt great to make a dent in the disaster area that is my house.
We're having a hard time keeping up with chores with me always sick or recovering from being sick or scrambling to make up work that wasn't done when I was sick (or wasn't done because I didn't get it done) in time for a deadline. Ryan's exhausted from his hour and 15 minute drive to and from his internship everyday. Plus it's hard for him to get motivated to do his half of the chores when I'm not doing my half. Sometimes that irks me - like on Sunday when I woke up after a marathon 11 hour fever-filled night of sleep to see that Ryan was still there beside me. It makes me feel like 'mom'. Like, if I don't get up and set an example, no matter what the differences in our circumstances are, nothing will get done. I'm not saying I don't appreciate him or everything he does (like cooking, etc.), because I am extremely grateful for him, but I don't want to be mom. So I'm just going to try to get the rest of the cleaning finished this afternoon and then we'll just have regular chores to keep up with everyday. At this point it doesn't matter who does what - I just don't want it hanging over my head.

Eating has been fine since I haven't been allowing myself sugar. Of course, those days of not being able to swallow anything but soup helped keep the calories low too.

Today, so far, I've had an apple for breakfast and a bowl of brown rice, steamed veggies, teriyaki tempeh and cashews for lunch.
For dinner I'm going to see if our leftover lasagna is still good and have that if it is. If not, I'll have leftover tortellini with pesto or a veggie burger. I haven't decided.

For exercise...last week Ryan and I made that commitment to walk at least 20 minutes a day together, and for the days I've been home we've done well. Even on the really sick days we took a leisurely stroll around the block. If it's not raining we have a walking date today.
I haven't been counting calories or sticking to any plan, but I feel really good right now and think I'm going to just try to keep up with no sugar and 20 minute walks (as min. exercise standard) for now.

Let's try some accountability

Yesterday was a good day eating-wise.
I needed it.
I've been getting sick ALL THE TIME this year and I need to get healthy. Eating buckets of sugar isn't going to help that.
My throat is actually worse this morning, but that obviously has nothing to do with eating healthy yesterday.
So...

I estimated on calories for a few things (just veggies - wasn't positive about portions), and I think the calories I looked up for my falafel patties are wrong because they were big and fried, not small and homemade....So I added an extra 150 calories to what SparkPeople says I ate and it came in at 950 for the day.
I felt full and I felt like I was eating constantly, so I don't know how I came out so low.
I guess feeling under the weather and eating lots of raw veggies explains that.

Here's what I consumed

Breakfast: banana
Lunch: lentil soup with raw veggies (cabbage, carrots, celery)
Snacks: apple, 13 Mary's Gone crackers, 10 almonds, 10 cashews
Dinner: Huge salad with 2 falafel patties, lots of veggies and ~2 tbsp. tzatziki sauce

I did remember my multi and I drank ~9 cups of water.

Didn't count points - sure it was within range.
I know it makes no sense to count calories and points, but I'm wishy-washy and can't decide what I want to do, so for now I'm paying attention to both.

Weigh-Day - Detox Week

Check out the scale giveaway on Roni’s Weight Loss Blog! I can win an Affordable Food Scale from Eat Smart and so can you! Click here for contest details!
I want one of those super expensive, super awesome Green Star juicers (makes everything...including banana ice cream that tastes just like Chunky Monkey, but is only made from bananas, no sugar or cream). Around the holidays they were giving a food scale away with them, but I didn't buy one - the juicer's a reward for losing 40 or 50 lbs somewhere down the road...but I sure could use a scale now! :)

Anyhoo....
As expected, the scale was up a tiny bit (0.2 lbs) this morning from yesterday because my low calorie day from being sick on Thursday gave me a falsely low # on the scale Friday. But it's still all good.
Today I'm at 161.6 which is a total loss for the detox week of 6.2 lbs! Sweet!

Basically, that undoes the damage I did to myself in January plus another 0.6 pounds gone. So - it's a good jump start to my healthy lifestyle recommitment.
I'm 0.6 pounds away from being back to my 15 pound loss, ~3 pounds away from my October low and 10% total loss, and about 6 or 7 pounds from being comfortably (key word) back in my size 14s! (never thought I'd be happy to be BACK in 14s, but hey...we start from wherever we're starting, right?)

I updated all my measurements (to the right), but I'm not sure how accurate they are. It's hard to measure yourself - especially your arms...
But, everything in the midsection seems about right.
I'm down 3.0" at the smallest part of my waist, 2.25" at my belly button (which is actually the top of my hip bone...I'm very short-waisted), and 0.5" at my hips. I will always be biggest at that part and lose most slowly from there too...it's just where I store my weight and why I'm at a bigger size than a lot of you probably would be at the same weight. It's also the place I'm likely to have loose skin when I get to goal...that lower tummy area...blech.

This detox is actually 11 days long and today's supposed to be a juice fast day. But you're not supposed to fast if you're recovering from being sick, which I am, so I'm not fasting. I'm just going to keep eating the way I've been for the 7 day 'prequel' to the fast. I'm thinking of just seeing if this is something I can keep up for a while since it's not an extreme detox...just very clean eating.
I'm going to add yogurt back in, and eventually I'll add some sweeteners (my favorite hot sauce has agave syrup), gluten (haven't decided about bread, but at least so I can use soy sauce here and there and the multi-grain tempeh I have in my freezer) and soy protein isolates (fake meat products - hard to live without them at least sometimes - Saturday is usually veggie sausage day).
I'm going to try to continue to eliminate or strictly limit refined carbs, many sweeteners, caffeine, and unhealthy fats. No more 100 calorie packs, muffins at Starbucks, regular chocolate consumption, etc. I think those things are just good for my sleep and anxiety, not to mention my waistline.

Here's what I learned this week.

1) I eat a lot of convenience/pre-packaged foods - frozen meals, veggie burgers, crackers, granola bars, cereals, cups of yogurt, etc.
2) It takes planning time and effort to eat a diet based on whole foods. Planning is going to be the biggest factor in my success.
3) It's hard to eat too many calories when you're a vegetarian not eating a lot of prepackaged foods and planning ahead.
4) It's easy to eat too many fats (avocado, nuts, almond butter, etc.) when you're looking for filling snacks and avoiding packaged things. Even good fats need to be in the right proportion to your total calories, carbs and protein.
5) It's very easy to eat too much sodium if you're not paying attention, and especially if you're eating a lot of pre-packaged foods. I need/want much less salt if I season after the dish is finished cooking - just while I'm eating.
6) I can eat the recommended # of WW points, but come in way too low on calories. I'm going to enter my food in SparkPeople's nutrition page AND WW Online for awhile, so I can track both. I'll get a more complete nutritional picture of my diet and feel comfortable that I'm getting enough calories in the right proportions of food-types.

Yesterday quick totals (actual/goal) are...

Calories: 1,373/1,200-1,550
Fat: 41g/32-56g
Carbs: 212g/163-236g
Protein: 53g/60-127g
Fiber: 43g/25-35g
Sodium: 1,116mg/0-2,300mg

WW Points: 23.5

I ate...

Breakfast: 1 banana
Lunch: 1/2 portion of leftover light split pea soup w/coconut milk; 1 c. red cabbage; 6 baby carrots
Dinner: 3 Tacos w/soft corn tortillas (not 100% sure these were legal on the detox), mixed beans, mixed veggies, red cabbage, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, hot sauce; and 1 beet with rosemary, olive oil and garlic.
Snacks: 9 cashews; 13 Mary's Gone Crackers - herb; 1 large orange; vanilla whey and berries protein shake w/flaxseed oil, bluegreen algae, probiotics, and cran water.

Whew! I think that's all for today.
Have a good one!
I'll be right here glued to my desk studying ALL DAY...that's what being sick and out of commission for 3 days does to my weekend! Yay! :-P

Detox - Day 6

Just a quick update.
I was feeling so sick yesterday. I went to work, but struggled through. I tried to make myself eat, and eat healthy things, but it was a struggle and I got less than 1,000 calories. Also, I wasn't able to work out for the 2nd day in a row.
So - take this with a grain of salt, but I was down another 0.8 lbs today to 161.2, which brings my total loss since the 'official' weigh-day last Saturday to 6.4 lbs.

For breakfast, I had an orange.
For lunch, I had leftover split pea soup with coconut milk.
For snack I had 3 stalks of celery with 1 tbsp. peanut butter.
For dinner I had sweet potato fries (made with 1/2 sweet potato and 1/2 tbsp. olive oil), 1.5 c. broccoli, 1/3 c. homemade hummus (chickpeas, tahini, lemon juice, garlic), and 15 sesame rice crackers

Total Calories: 962
Total Fat: 47g
Total Carbs: 123
Total Protein: 29g
Total Fiber: 28g
Total Sodium: 1,278 mg

Total WW Points: 21.5

I'm slightly concerned that I could eat this few calories and still be 0.5 above my daily allowance - I know I'm not including WPs or APs, but still...what if I decided, as some do, that I wanted to save those WPs and APs for a special weekend day...that means I could eat fewer than 1,000 calories all week long and have that be 'legal'? A little odd. I guess it's not a perfect science - just guidelines. But for now I'm going to keep checking calories, etc. in addition to points

Detox - Day 5

Down 1.4 lbs this morning to 162.2 - so I lost the 0.4 the scale showed yesterday plus another pound. And that means I'm 0.6 past my original goal for Saturday! Yay! That's a total of 5.6 gone.

I've been feeling really sick, though. At first I thought it could be the detox, but it's probably more likely that I've caught something from one of the kids at school. We were out for a snow day yesterday, but Monday and Tuesday a bunch of the 4th grade was gone because of a stomach virus. 4th grade is on the 2nd floor and my room is in the basement, and the rooms of most of my kids are on the 1st floor - so I don't have that much contact with 4th grade except for 1 class. One boy, actually - I used to have 3 fourth graders, but 1 is out with pink eye and one just moved, so he's all I've seen this week.
The 1st and 2nd graders, which are most of my students, have had sore throats and sniffly noses.
Also, Ryan says strep is going around his office. He hardly ever catches anything. I, on the other hand, catch everything. That's a big part of the reason I'm doing this detox and trying to start making the healthiest choices I can.

Yesterday and this morning, I've had a fever around 101.5 (As best I can tell...the thermometer needs a new battery), a sore throat, a headache and stomach cramping but nothing beyond that. Plus, I had the most difficult time concentrating yesterday. I only got through about 50 of 150 pages I needed to read. Oh well. I did my best. I'm just useless when I'm sick.

I didn't post any pics yesterday. I took one - of my lunch, and I'll post that now. Here's what I had the whole day.

Breakfast
2 rice cakes
2 tbsp. almond butter
1 apple

354 cal.
7.5 pts.

Lunch
leftover tofu & veggie roast with 4 leaves of kale (~1.5 cups)

619 cal.
10.5 pts.

Dinner
leftover light split pea soup with ~0.4 cups of coconut milk

284 cal.
9.5 pts.

Snacks
1 large orange
10 sesame rice crackers

167 cal.
3 pts.

Totals: actual/goal

Calories: 1,424/1,200-1,550
Fat: 67g/32-56g
Carbs: 187g/163-236g
Protein: 44g/60-127g
Fiber: 31g/25-35g
Sodium: 1,498mg/0-2,300mg

WW Points: 30.5 (used 9.5 WPs)

Overall - not a bad day. Too much fat, not enough protein, but it's okay.

I did notice that when I entered my lunch into WW online just by calories, fat and fiber, it told me it was 14 points - but when I thought that sounded high and went back to enter each ingredient separately, it changed to 10.5 points...hmmmm....just something to think about.

No exercise - I had 45 min. on the elliptical and 20 min in the sauna scheduled, but wasn't feeling up to it.

That's all!
School is delayed 2 hours because of ice on the roads. I'll probably go in, but I haven't decided for sure. I just feel very weird and feverish and crampy and weak. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to drive the hour and 40 minutes to Knoxville and back for class this afternoon, but we'll see. Hope everyone's feeling well :)

Detox - Day 4

Up 0.4 lbs today to 163.6. It's fine. I think that falls within the realm of normal fluctuations. I got rid of my initial water-weight and maybe now it's time for more normal patterns, although I'd still love to get to 162-ish by Saturday.

Yesterday was the first day I did not have a salad, but I had a good amount of veggies. Actually - nutritionally, yesterday was probably the best day I've had. (proportion of carbs to fats to protein, grams of all those, fiber, etc.) I also did not have an orange or much greens, which are required on the detox (citrus, not an orange specifically). So, at the end of the night I took a supplement which is supposed to take the place of the greens and drank a big mug of warm lemon water for the citrus.
Also - I had tofu for the first time this detox. It's not the most highly recommended on the detox, so I'll have leftovers for lunch and then no more until next week.

Here's the breakdown

Breakfast
Smoothie with 1 scoop whey protein, 6 strawberries, 1/2 c. raspberries, 1 tsp. flaxseed oil, 2 tbsp. E3Live (algae), 1 tsp. FloraKey (probiotics), and 1 c. cran-water (1 part unsweetened cranberry juice to 7 parts water)

223 cal.
3 pts.

Lunch
1 c. light split pea soup w/celery, carrots, kale, shiitakes, garlic, & parsely
6 baby carrots
~1 c. red cabbage

158 cal.
2.5 pts.

Snacks
13 Mary's Gone Crackers - original
6 almonds
10 cashews
1 pear

355 cal.
8 pts.

Dinner
Tofu roast with carrots, cashews, red and gold potatoes, cauliflower, shiitakes, olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper, & sage (1/4 of what's in the TwitPic)

534 cal.
12 pts. !!! (mostly from the potatoes and oil)

Totals - actual/goal

Calories: 1,264/1,200-1,550
Fat: 45g/32-56g
Carbs: 178g/163-236g
Protein: 57g/60-127g
Fiber: 35g/25-35g
Sodium: 1,586mg/0-2,300mg

Points: 24.5

Activity: Cher fitness video :) (it's good!) - entire video
38 min. step
10 min. abs
32 min. lower body

(~3 APs)

We're off school for a snow day today!!!
I have so much work to do for class, so I'm definitely going to take advantage of this day and get a lot done.
Hope everyone has a great day!

Detox - Day 3

I love my scale :)
Down another 0.8 today to 163.2
That's 4.6 total gone from my official Saturday morning weigh-in to now (Tues. morning).

I know only some of that is fat and some is water and some is whatever crap I've just been storing inside me that the detox is helping me get rid of, but whatever it is, I'm glad it's gone.
My goal was to get to 162.8 by my fast day, this coming Saturday, and I'm only 0.4 away!
I'm now just 5.2lbs from my low point (my 10% loss) on this journey in October when I totally fell off the wagon.
I also remeasured my waist at it's narrowest (-2.25 in.), my waist at my belly button (-0.25 in.) and my hips (-1.0 in.)

Plus, I slept all the way through the night last night for the first time in forever. Didn't meet my 8 hrs goal, but I got more than 7.
As for detox side effects - yesterday afternoon my stomach hurt for a few hours. Then on the way home from class I had a headache. But nothing too terrible. Definitely better than the weekend ailments.

I ate everything in my twitpic except the pear, which got smooshed in my lunchbag, and the crackers.

Here's the nutritional and points breakdown....actual/goal

Calories: 1,212/1,200-1,550
Fat: 53g/32-56
Carbs: 143g/163-236
Protein: 56g/60-127
Fiber: 39g/25-35
Sodium: 874mg/0-2,300 (that seems low...I'll have to check to make sure it's right)

WW Points: 23

Activity: nothing - I really, really just can't do it Monday :)

I have no idea what I'm going to pack today...I need to go to the store...hmmmm
Well, I better go figure it out.
See ya later :)

Detox - Day 2

The scale was down another 1.6 pounds this morning! That's -3.8 total! I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought I'd lose a couple the 1st day because of water-weight, but I guessed maybe a half a pound a day after that at the most. So - happy dance!
I'll be happy if I stay the same for the next 2 weigh-ins, because that would just put me where I'd expected to be. Nice to take a little pressure off - especially since the only exercise I schedule for Mondays is a 10 min. abs workout.

I feel fine right now, but last night Ryan and I were both pretty miserable. He started to feel sick first with a super intense headache...actually, he'd been feeling sick all weekend - even before we started the detox, so he might be fighting something off in addition to 'toxins'.
I was fine except for a light headache and kind of a stitch in my side until 9:30-ish and then I felt my headache get a lot worse, and I felt dizzy and nauseous and sort of like I was feeling waves of heat through my body. Almost like I was getting a fever....just these heat rushes - very weird. I guess that's a part of the process. The problem is my anxiety spiked also, which is the worst for me. I'm not willing to risk backtracking at all in that area. I just had to go to bed and consequently am NOT ready for class this afternoon. (crap!)
Neither of us slept very well and he wound up taking a couple Advil. We figured he needed his sleep and eating clean with Advil is better than NOT eating clean with Advil (we're not supposed to have over the counter meds). Plus, he has a meeting at a Mexican restaurant tonight and isn't really starting the 7-days before the fast until tomorrow. This is like his pre-prequel.


Sunday's nutritional wrap up looks better all around than Saturday's....(actual/goal)
1,347 calories/1200-1550
50g fat/32-56
180g carbs/163-236
61g protein/60-127
43g fiber/25-35
1,766mg sodium (started tracking that too)/0-2,300
25.5 WW Points

Fiber's still too high, but I'm not sure what to do about that....

Exercise was 65 min. walk/jog outside at the hilly park in our town. (3 APs)
I just got over the 1,000 minute mark on my exercise tracker! (below) :)

Okay - I'm off to get ready for the loooooong day. I'll be lucky if I'm home by 9:30. (blech to Mondays)

Detox - Day 1

Yay! I knew some of that weight at yesterday’s weigh-in was just water. I don’t know if I’ll weigh everyday on the detox, but I weighed this morning and was already down 2.2 lbs. to 165.6. So relieved!

I think yesterday went really well. This detox is just really clean eating, so there’s no reason it shouldn’t go well, I guess. I have a few minor concerns though…

A lot of people have trouble on this type of detox because it might be too much of a fiber increase for their bodies all at once. Being veggie, I already eat a pretty good amount of fiber, but last night I was up for an hour or so with a terrible stomachache that could’ve been because of that. I also tend to have stomach trouble when I eat avocado or beets. And, like a big dummy, I ate them both in one day. So, I’m going to get some magnesium at Walgreen’s today because that’s what the people on the support site for the detox book recommend. They also say drinking hot lemon water helps, but I'd had already had my 84 oz. - I'm only used to 64, so I just didn't feel like drinking any more yesterday.

My other concerns are that I won’t get enough protein or calories. I don’t want to slow down too much on my exercise routine (last week I exercised 5 hrs. and 20 min. – the previous 4 weeks before that combined I exercised 5 hrs. and 38 min. – so I want to keep the momentum going!). Also, I can’t afford energy dips with my busy schedule, and I don’t want to overeat when I finish the detox, so I want to eat clean but still within my ‘recommended’ calorie range. I’m already eating foods that people who do this detox with the primary purpose of losing weight wouldn’t eat. They’re listed in the book as okay to eat if you ‘don’t need to lose weight or are prone to depression.’ Things like sweet potatoes, beans, legumes, nuts – avocado would probably be on that list.

So, I decided that I would follow the detox guidelines but also track my WW points AND use my nutrition page at SparkPeople to keep track of calories, fat, protein, carbs and fiber. Yesterday I entered the info in SparkPeople and then just entered the calories, fat and fiber into the WW online points calculator to figure out points. I really liked that method! Sometimes I’m curious/slightly concerned that I could eat all my points but not get the right calories or nutrition for my body, so I’m comforted by doing both.

My food is at the left (twitpics) I took a pic of everything except my whey protein shake I had last night. At the end of the day yesterday I wound up at 23 points (my WP allowance is 21, but I earned 5 APs, so that’s all good).

My goal is 1200-1550 calories – I ate 1,169 – low, but not terrible.
My goal is 163-236g carbs – I ate 158 – low, but again, fine.
My goal is 60-127g protein – I ate 50 – I’m fine with this – protein is hard for me.
My goal is 32-56g fat – I ate 47 – right in the middle
My goal is 25-35g fiber – I ate 41 – again, too high, but not terrible.

Today I need to start eating and drinking my water earlier so I can pace myself and eat some nuts if my calories are too low. I’m going to add tofu (which we’re only allowed sparingly) or tempeh, which is fine since it’s fermented, to pick up the protein a little too.
Wish me luck! :)

Not a dropout

Wow - I don't know why, but I'm having a really great day! Not perfect diet-wise, but I've been happy and energetic and feeling healthy and strong from the moment I woke up this morning. It's freezing here - it was 5 degrees this morning and school was cancelled because of concern that kids wouldn't dress appropriately and it would be dangerous for them to wait for buses....it's Tennessee - we're not used to this kind of cold.

That means I get a 4 day weekend! Yay! It couldn't come at a better time. So, I could've slept in, but I couldn't wait to start the day.

I woke up, had my huge mug of tea, threw in a load of laundry and got ready for the gym (and I don't know WHY my twitpic of me going to the gym has to be cropped like that...not cute)

I got to the Y at 8 and went on this new Precor machine called the AMT that lets you do either an elliptical motion but with a really long stride if you want it or a stair climber motion. I stayed on for an hour doing a mix, and I feel like I really pushed myself in a good way. It was a nice feeling to take my heart rate and think - hmmmm...I really should slow that down. :)

Then I remembered that when I lived in Chicago I used to use the sauna at the gym as an incentive to work out. I LOVE the sauna. So I'd make a deal with myself that if I got there and did something for an hour that I could have time in the sauna.

So I decided to give that a try. I brought my book in from class and stayed in for 30 minutes.

I think I'll try that more often.

I got home at 10 and pretty much cleaned the house ALL day except for 50 min. when I watched last night's CSI. I had so much energy I did some of my chores (clutter, organizing, laundry, dusting, windex) and then decided to do Ryan's (kitchen, bathroom, vacuuming) so he wouldn't have to this weekend. He cooks dinner for us almost every night, so he really takes on more than I do.

Food-wise, I had that huge smoothie for breakfast when I got home from the gym. It's pretty heavy on the points because of the flaxseed oil, but I don't care - I think it's healthy. The cranberry juice is unsweetened, the protein powder is as natural as I could find (from the Fat Flush diet).

I had 3 100 calorie nutty bars, a bag of SmartFood cheddar popcorn and 2 handfuls of yogurt pretzels in the middle of the day which wasn't great, but it didn't really change my mood.

Before dinner I had some rice crackers, cashews and hummus. And for dinner I had pasta with pesto, veggies, vegetarian meatballs and a glass of white wine. I also remembered my multi and extra vitamin C. I didn't count points.

The snacking was about half an hour after I took my anxiety meds. I hadn't eaten before I took them and I got this funny, dizzy feeling and a surge of cravings. I don't know why, but it felt like it was connected to the meds....who knows...

In other news - I went to class last night and was able to read my articles before I got there and participate somewhat competently in class, and I made the decision not to drop out. It's a little intimidating because I'm the only non-PhD student there, but maybe the prof will take pity. I'm going to stick with these classes, do my best to stay ahead of schedule with my work, and just take it a semester at a time. Maybe that's why I felt good today. The decision had been weighing heavily on my mind.

I think that's all - Ryan and I are going to watch Wednesday's Top Chef now. I like my new DVR :) :)