early Friday update

I know I'm blogging a lot and I'm blogging loooong, but I'm using it as a potentially more public journal (although I'm too new and too newly not-private for anyone to probably be reading this...) & it's helping me, so I'm going with it.
I woke up for the 2nd morning in a row feeling pretty energetic - I think that's from limiting the sugar intake - I think my body hates being overloaded with sugar so much that I would need 12+ hours to 'sleep it off' - literally like a hangover. And it's been setting me up for bad day binge after bad day binge. I'd eat bad, feel to stuffed to exercise, feel guilty about not exercising, get discouraged and want to zone out watching tv, not get my work done, feel guilty about not getting my work done, eat more bad foods, sleep, wake up exhausted and start the day too tired to exercise or fight to make the good choices (tired = bad cravings, for me). So now, I fought HARD to break that cycle on Wednesday and woke up feeling better Thursday. I fought hard again to focus on the small moments and make good choices on Thursday and woke up feeling even better today. I wanted to get a little kick in the pants to keep the momentum going today, so I got up and weighed myself and I've lost a pound in the 2 days I've been having success so far. Yay! Now I'm going to put on happy music and clean the house.

beating the afternoon slump

I decided that since I keep falling apart healthy lifestyle-wise in the afternoon that I should pay really close attention to what was happening in my mind and see if I could just focus on small moment to moment choices to beat the PM cravings, and then write it all down to see if that would help me in the future.
I noticed that I started to feel the first hints of cravings pretty early. I finished my lunch -Amy's black eyed peas, rice and veggie bowl and I wasn't hungry, but I was craving something sweet.
I had classes to teach all afternoon, of course, so I didn't have any opportunity to run out and get snacks. I decided that I was going to exercise when I got home. Iniside my head I was thinking 'but I'm so tiiiiiired' and 'I dont' waaaaaanna' (whine whine).

Earlier I posted today about being motivated by health scares, my upcoming Dr.'s appointment and Christmas with my family. And I have to say...when I was feeling iffy about exercise and wanted to just stop and get a bag of M&Ms or something equally unhelpful, my health didn't seem like a big motivator (it's so intangible...seems like I could 'start tomorrow' and that wouldn't make a big difference), and if it was just the idea of being fat when I see my family, that's nothing new and I don't know that it would've helped me push through either. But the idea of seeing my doctor having gained the weight I'd lost really pushed me. Maybe because she's not a friend or family member...I don't know. Maybe it's because it goes on my patient file...my 'PERMANENT RECORD'. Ah! But the part of my brain that kept reminding me about that appointment seemed to work.

When I got home, I wanted to take a nap, but I knew when I woke up I'd need to eat and then I wouldn't be able to work out for a while...which means I probably wouldn't at all. So I changed into my workout clothes. Then Ryan came home and he wanted to return our movies from Blockbuster online to the store to exchange them for others. He just finished finals today and needed a break. I hadn't finished watching one of them, so instead of working out right way I told him we could finish watching it together. We did and half an hour later, I really didn't feel like working out.

I didn't give up though - the voice in my head kept nagging and yelling.
I argued back that I would just put on music and clean the house - trying to convince myself that that would be enough activity. But I knew it wasn't really the goal Id' set, so I compromised (with myself) and put the music on while I jumped rope. Jump roping is hard! I went in spurts (jumping then walking and dancing) for 15 minutes and then my mom called. We talked for almost an hour and normally I'd give up my exercise after getting sidetracked that long, but I didn't. I went for 15 minutes more, then did a 10 minute abs workout, entered the update on my exercise ticker, and felt really good about it. I like to see my little runner move on down the street.

I had a healthy dinner - butternut squash soup, broccoli with lemon and 1 tbsp. cheese and a slice of Great Harvest Dakota bread (the multi-grain kind with seeds), some olive oil and nutritional yeast. I had ice cream for dessert, but I feel okay about that because it was a reasonable portion and it was at dessert-time - not a binge - not all day. Baby steps.
I could've had more...I could always have more Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra. But I decided to chew a stick of gum instead. Problem solved.
And now I feel satisfied and proud of myself. I think I can build on this little bit of momentum.
And I think blogging about it will help me, when I look back on it, to know that it's possible to push through cravings and to make good choices - that I really will be glad at the end of the day.

I also logged onto my Weight Watchers account for the first time in a few weeks and entered my weight from last Saturday. I entered my points and activity. In addition to my lunch and dinner (above) I had a package (2 bars) of Nature's Valley peanut butter granola bars. And I had a bit of roasted red pepper hummus and Lite Wasa crackers (6) while watching the movie.
All in all not too bad. I'm allowed 21 points per day. I added 4 activity points and ate 33 points. (that 'reasonably sized' dessert was 11.5 points...I don't even want to know how many points what I would normally eat would add up to....yeah.....not good) So I dipped into 8 of my weekly points. I don't care. I tracked. I was honest. I tried. I feel alright.

Feeling motivated

I'm not going to pretend my eating was great yesterday - again I slipped up in the afternoon with chips and had ice cream after dinner. And dinner was leftover Indian take-out.
I was too exhausted to exercise. I'd only had a total of 8 hours of sleep over the previous two nights, so I tried to catch up last night, and I'll make another attempt at exercise today.

I'm trying to make some changes to my blog. I keep seeing all these great looking 3-column blogs and I want one too! So I poked around online and found a site that gives step-by-step instructions for changing the html to make a 2-column blog a 3-column one. Step-by-step is important for me because I know nothing about the matter. Anyway...I like the colors and the proportions, but I lost the picture that was behind my header and I can't get my gadgets to appear in the left column on the white background. Green's okay - not white. So I'm going to work at that some more when I have time. And by 'work at' I mean browse the internet looking for sites that can give me step by step instructions how to fix it.

I'm feeling particularly motivated today for a few reasons. I realize I have a doctor's appointment next week, and I will be sooo embarassed if I weigh much more than I did last time I was there in October. Last time I had lost 14 pounds from 176 to 162. Now I'm bordering on 167 and that's on my bathroom scale first thing in the morning without clothes! So...I realize 10 days isn't much time to fix the damage, but I certainly don't want to make it any worse. Secondly, Christmas is right around the corner and last time I was 'home' in Chicago over fall break in October I was doing really well. I had lost 18 pounds. Come to think of it, that's where I got OFF track. So - it's pretty much the same thing as the doctor's appointment - it just feels back to see someone while you're in a rut, when the last time they saw me I was at such a high point.
And third, I'm really starting to FEEL the weight. The past few weeks, I knew the scale was moving in the wrong direction, but I didn't feel terrible. This week my pants are tighter, my left knee is getting sore again, and last night I woke up pouring sweat with my heart pounding. I don't remember having any nightmares, so that freaks me out. I don't want to ruin my health.